


Dusk and her embrace

by DarkAmberSky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, M/M, Mpreg, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAmberSky/pseuds/DarkAmberSky
Summary: The Winter Soldier is a machine, a weapon in Hydra's pay. For decades, he exterminates in their name, leaving behind only a ghostly specter. But one day, at the bend of a dark and infamous street, the Winter Soldier will have an encounter that will change his life.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Avengers Team, James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 8





	1. Mathilda

**Author's Note:**

> Warning : physical violence on a female character

Prologue

The superhero registration law had been debated at length in the Senate. The Sokovia accords bogged down ambassadors in endless talks. At the center of the debate, the Avengers were held to account and General Theodore Ross, who had become one of the pillars of the American defense government, was quick to bring their status to half mast.

The UN bombing set fire to powder. The Avengers were sent to stop the agents of Hydra led by CrossBones. In the struggle many civilians were killed and the damage amounted to millions. One name came out of these attacks: Winter Soldier.

The Prince of Wakanda, T’Challa called on all Allied authorities to capture dead or alive the Winter Soldier responsible for the death of his father T’Chaka.

In the United States, the Avengers were arrested and their weapons seized by the United States government. The CIA informed General Theodore Ross that Baron Zemo was in collusion with Hydra during the attack. The latter wanted to seize the rarest ore in the world to craft a weapon just as powerful as the Tesseract. Everett Ross also tried to explain to UN members that it was reckless to enact the registration law so quickly.

Tony Stark disturbed by his actions with Ultron had previously agreed to register under the state hierarchy and enlist with the Shield. He trusted General Ross. For his part, Steve Rogers was against the idea of finding himself again mandated by an institution. The actions of SHIELD compromised by Hydra had been enough for him to lose faith in a government leader. And recent events in Wakanda had convinced him that this law was a way to keep them on a leash. When he found out that the Wakanda government was calling for the Winter Soldier to be stopped, Rogers stepped in. Her sole motivation was to protect her childhood friend, James Barnes. General Ross, placed a warrant for the arrest of Captain America. A merciless hunt had begun, dividing the Avengers into two distinct factions.

Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Scott Lang, Clint Barton and Sharon Carter had allied themselves with Captain Rogers. And as they tried to save "Bucky" from both Hydra and the United States government, he too had to prove his innocence.

Despite Tony Stark's hatred of the Winter Soldier for murdering his parents, he helped Steve Rogers. But the confrontation quickly escalated, causing an irreversible injury to Colonel James Rhodes.

Mad with anger, Stark had set out in pursuit of Rogers and Barnes in the German Alps. The most grueling of the duels undermined the engineer, as the two childhood friends pummeled him with blows. His tack was damaged. The Winter Soldier exerted enough pressure to crush the arc reactor. The Faulty Repulsors Tony found himself in a complex and dangerous situation. Steve seemed to have lost control of himself and was punching as if he wanted to kill him. Stuck in the purification room of the Siberian Bunker, Iron Man had no choice but to attempt to stand up despite their relentless attacks. Just as they thought they had beaten him, Iron Man activated his back-up generator and repulsed Barnes and Rogers away. Psychologically exhausted, the surrender of Tony Stark surprised Steve Rogers.

The words that were said afterward left the three fighters in their own painful reflections.

The division of the Avengers had caused more than their downfall. It had indirectly killed thousands of civilians. In his headphones, Stark listened to Romanoff's transmission giving him the numbers:

\- “1500 dead, most of Wakanda. T’Challa got all the Avengers together. The situation is critical Tony, Baron Zemo has seized the stocks of vibranium. We have to stop fighting each other before he uses it to create Armageddon. "

Hearing this, Barnes made the decision to surrender to US authorities but only after arresting Zemo and his elite Hydra. Rogers had nodded.

Once again united for a common purpose, the Avengers spent weeks hunting down CrossBones from all over the world. At the same time, they were learning to work on their trust and renew a torn friendship. The US military worked hand in hand with the Avengers, and after many bloody battles they recovered most of the stolen vibranium. But CrossBones and Baron Zemo were nowhere to be found. Stark for his part had asked General Ross to withdraw the demand for an arrest on Rogers, Barton, Barnes, Maximoff, Lang and Carter in exchange for re-creating weapons for the US military. Ross agreed, specifying that Barnes was his responsibility at the time. Stark knew that he had made a decision again without telling the Avengers about it first, and that his becoming an arms dealer for their freedom again was going to get him in trouble. But it was a price he could pay to save them.

T’Challa, promised the US government not to intervene in his country's abuses, but that his army would continue to hunt down Hydra and find the rest of the vibranium.

The superhero registration law was rejected. Most civilians didn't want to hear about it anymore. Public opinion had shown that the majority of people in the United States trusted the Avengers more than their heads of state. The world saw only the Avengers to protect them and that even if men and women had fallen during this war.

In the aftermath of the rejection of the Superhero Registration Act, James Barnes and Steve Rogers were arrested under the command of General Ross. Attending the arrest, Stark had turned to General Ross to remind him of their agreement. "Too unstable, too dangerous" were his words and Stark felt truly betrayed. He looked in horror at the two men being taken away by Defense Department agents.

Stark called on all of his lawyers to challenge Ross' decision. A veritable media war stormed the courthouse. Every time the FBI armored vehicles pulled up to the steps of the building, Barnes and Rogers were strafed with flashes and reporters. Stark's lawyers were trying somehow to block it.

After several weeks of debate, testimony, evidence and confessions, Stark, Barnes and Rogers were at their wit's end. But the hardest part was still for the billionaire who had to admit to the court the compromise he had made with Theodore Ross. Tony Stark will always remember the look Rogers gave him in confession….

Disbelief, disappointment, anger and something else he couldn't make out.

When the verdict was delivered Ross was the first surprised. All charges against Rogers were dropped. Captain America was free in view of his incredible record of service. As far as Barnes was concerned, his both psychological and physical circumstances only allowed him freedom under electronic surveillance. Sergeant Barnes was therefore under house arrest, namely that of the Tower of the Avengers. And for everyone's sake, Stark Industries would not be back on the path to gun manufacturing.

Theodore Ross was arrested by Everett Ross. When one Ross stops another!

Before leaving the court, Judge Smith had questioned the billionaire: “Mr. Stark, do not have fun tweaking his bracelet. We make ourselves understood! "

The genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist only smiled at the judge as a bracelet was placed on Barnes' ankle.

Leaving the courthouse had caused a lot of ink to flow. The photos show Barnes and Rogers free, circling a visibly delighted Stark.

The Avengers were finally all reunited, they lived together or occasionally like Barton in the Tower. Not being under state control, they could act on the most extreme cases. During the interventions, Barnes stayed in the back, awaiting their return.

Two months passed in this way until….

Chapter 1

Mathilda

Tunguska, Siberia / Russia

June 2000

At the heart of an underground base, Hydra operatives were busy loading weapons and missiles into unmarked vans. A few yards away, a familiar face watched the perfectly orchestrated play of the generals giving orders all the way.

Strucker polished his monocle in satisfaction. He walked to the adjacent hallway of the hangar. He ignored all the looks that landed on him. Steadily, he entered a dark room where stood a tall man with icy eyes and a titanium arm.

\- Well, I see you are ready, Soldier, inquired Baron Strucker, as usual don't miss your mark, let us be proud of you.

The man nodded. Without a word, he walked past the Baron and grabbed a machine gun handed to him by a Hydra agent. If his ears allowed him, he would have heard the young agent's knees shake and clash. White as a dead man, the latter avoided all glance with the Winter Soldier. Rare were not those who had taken a bullet, stab, or glide from this presumably unstable man. Worse, he had spent months and months in cryogenic stasis before being awakened for Hydra's delicate new missions.

The Winter Soldier as he was called climbed into one of the unmarked trucks, staring blankly. The other agents who accompanied him were there as reinforcements, some were friends and knew each other well enough to be able to strike up a conversation discreetly.

\- He's been in his freezer for 18 months, began Demyan, a young agent to his sidekick sitting next to him, and they're defrosting him for good it seems. It also seems that he has some kind of indestructible serum that gives him the strength of 10 men and that his arm was transplanted to him in the 1940s. The guy is older than my grandfather.

The other just tilted his head towards the mass of muscle and steel staring into the road without moving a hair.

\- It's their right arm, he smirked and slipping his hand down his black jacket sleeve, “it's not a man but a killing machine."

Dust was rising around the vehicles, speeding towards a flat area. In the distance, the Hydra agents could see an Antanov-An 22 in the black-painted cabin waiting for them.

The cargo hold was wide open and the unmarked trucks poured into it. The driver seated next to the Winter Soldier exited the vehicle to meet the cargo pilot.

\- Sir, we are ready, we will land in Chelyabinsk at 2 hours.

The Hydra's agent returned his handshake and returned to his seat. He secured a brief glance at the Winter Soldier who still didn't move an iota. Strucker had warned him not to talk to him, not to look at him, to pretend he wasn't there. And with those last words, he gave her pictures of agents who had overruled these simple measures. The officer had felt bile rise to his lips as he gazed at the pictures of men and women torn apart, limbs torn off or turned upside down at odd angles. They were photos from the 50s and 80s. Agents who had the stupidity to meet the Winter Soldier's gaze and speak to him directly. So yes, all of the officers knew it was best to ignore it and remain silent.

The pilot announced the descent on the tarmac. All the officers got ready and checked their weapons one last time. The Winter Soldier locked his face in a black mask, weapon in hand.

The freighter barely stopped when the unmarked trucks descended from the cargo hold and headed at full speed towards the city center.

The Winter Soldier jumped out of the truck before the driver could brake. He had spotted his target, the Russian chemical engineer, Nikolai Tikhomirov. Without waiting for his reinforcement, he unloaded his machine gun at the Russian agents escorting him to the embassy. Those who were still standing replied while trying to protect Nikolai who was screaming under gunfire.

Hydra agents also began firing when a Militsia helicopter intervened. With the headquarters giving them permission to shoot, OMON agents (Отряд Мобильный Особого Назначения *) did not make any quarter. Hydra's agents fell behind each other. Feeling cornered, the Winter Soldier swung into the proximity attack and kicked one of the Russian protection officers. The man fell to the ground, gasping for breath and probably his chest cavity. Out of the corner of his eye, the Winter Soldier watched as young Agent Demyan was shot in the chest and collapsed to the ground. His driver soon suffered the same fate. The mission was a failure, but the Winter Soldier did not admit defeat. He loaded the helicopter with a Russian agent's AK 74. Touching the rotor, it spun into a spin and crashed into a building. It was the few seconds of inattention that earned him a bullet in the right shoulder. He turned to see his attacker sneak with Nikolai towards the embassy. He didn't have to run, he grabbed his TT-30 and fired two bullets. One hit the Russian agent on the back and the other hit Nikolai's head.

\- Mission accomplished, the Winter Soldier whispered into his helmet.

He heard the sirens of Militsia cars in the distance. It was time to disappear, but all of the Hydra agents were dead or seriously injured. The vehicles were too damaged to drive him safely. The instructions given to him were clear each time ; mission, return to the command center and without leaving any traces. He had to disappear like a ghost. So he did, he ran through Chelyabinsk's most gloomy, infamous alleys, where poverty got the better of the city's citizens. He shed his mask and stripped a tramp of his shabby coat. He walked until night fell, avoiding as much as possible too brightly lit areas or Militsia cars on patrol.

His arm continued to bleed and the bullet ached so badly that the fever was starting to kill him. Long ago, Zola had told him that he had a super serum in his veins that allowed him to heal faster. This same serum provided him with increased endurance and strength. But at that moment, he wasn't very sure. His mind was confused. Drops of sweat trickled down his face, nausea made his stomach turn and tremors echoed in his arm.

He leaned against the wall of a building for a moment. He tried to find a pharmacy to rob for treatment. He needed to get that bullet out, find antibiotics and painkillers and undetected ones. Then a car to return to Tunguska. But with blurred vision, one knee falling to the ground, he dreaded getting there. He had been hiding for hours, walking.

Fatigue, the urge to sleep, to vomit, to collapse….

\- Sir, are you okay ? a pretty Russian voice worried.

He slowly looked up at the stranger who stood three feet away from him. His first idea was to break the back of his neck, but he knew his strength had abandoned him.

She took one more step.

_Get out or I'll kill you, the Winter Soldier thought, ready to attack._

She gently put a hand on his forehead. On contact, he backed up as if she had burned him and tripped to the ground. She immediately noticed that under the dirty and torn coat, military-style leather and black clothing covered a most muscular body. As well as the consequent blood stain on the right shoulder.

\- My God, you're hurt, I'll take you to the hospital, she said hastily, bending down to help him up.

He grabbed her by the throat with his titanium arm and squeezed slightly.

\- I'm going to kill you, he shouted through clenched teeth.

Breathless, she looked him in the eyes in total fright. His lips were moving, but no sound came out.

Tears began to roll down her cheeks, her hands tightened on the firm grip of that metal glove.

\- Please, she managed to pronounce, I just wanted to help you. I am a nurse, I can treat you.

The Winter Soldier felt something break inside him and without realizing it, he loosened his grip. He watched his tears flow, heard that terrified voice with infinite sweetness.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a patrol car. He jumped to his feet without letting go of the young woman and pushed her against the wall.

\- Do you live here in this building ? he asked squeezing his throat once more

\- Yes, on the 6th floor, she sobbed.

\- Let me in now ! yelled the Winter Soldier.

He withdrew his grip from her windpipe and grabbed her left arm so hard, she thought it was going to shatter her. Pushing her towards the entrance of the building, she reached for her keys in her purse, trembling like a leaf. As she couldn't get the key to fit into the lock, the Winter Soldier grabbed her hands and opened the door. He shoved her so hard that she fell face down on the floor. Before she could cry out, he grabbed her by the arm again and threw her into the elevator.

Sitting on the floor, she was crying hot tears, wondering what was going to happen to her.

\- Shut up, or I'll rip your head off, he threatened.

She had to use control to stay silent. She felt like he could hurt her quickly and leave her body to rot in her apartment. She slowly got up from the floor and waited for the elevator door to open. The Winter Soldier grabbed him by the neck and goaded him down the hall.

\- Which one is yours ? he asked, pointing to the 4 landing doors.

With a wave of her hand, she pointed to the door to their left. She then felt the point of a gun on her temple. She closed her eyes, paralyzed. Even though he was wearing military clothes, he was not.

\- You live alone ?

She shook her head sharply to say "yes" and then in a light breath, lower than a whisper :

\- "I have a cat"

As curious as it might sound, she had the feeling he was smiling. She took her courage in both hands and opened the door without trembling. Once inside, he pushed her hard against the sofa and closed the door quickly. With a smooth movement, he closed the window shades before turning on the light. He searched the apartment and made the rooms one by one. It was quick, a living room open to a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom and a closet in the entrance. Now he could breathe. He closed his eyes and let himself fall against the living room wall. He heard the sobs of his hostage. He should surely kill her !

\- I have a bullet in the right shoulder, he said, it must be removed. You said you were a nurse, so do it!

She stood up, took a long breath and forced herself to switch to nurse mode. As long as she took care of his wound, he would leave her alive.

\- I have a first aid kit in the bathroom, she inquired as she walked over to her.

Still his gun in hand, he followed her into the bathroom and took a seat on the edge of the tub. He didn't take his eyes off her. He watched her open the door to the small cabinet under the sink and grab a small white suitcase, bandages, and what looked like saline or alcohol. She took off her long navy blue coat, which she dropped to the floor. And for the first time, the Winter Soldier looked at her. Her hair was tied back in a bun, silky blonde, her eyes were emerald green, her skin porcelain white, and her body was slender, well-proportioned. But what struck him the most were her lips, thin and full at the same time, peach-colored. She was really beautiful.

_Too bad I have to kill her, he thought_

\- You have to take off the top of your clothes, she said cautiously, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Her voice was still shaking and her hands were sweaty. The Winter Soldier took off the old coat and then the black leather jacket. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw that metal arm, including the shoulder, adorned with a red star. He was brilliant and impressive. She had felt a cold hand against her throat, but she never would have thought of it.

\- My God, but what have we done to you? she choked out loud without realizing it.

He watched her dumbfounded, then realized she was staring at his titanium arm. He didn't answer, waiting for her to deign to deal with this bullet. She knelt in front of him and breathed slowly to herself as she dabbed the blood around the impact. The skin had started to heal all around. Obviously the extraction was going to be difficult.

\- I'll have to open a little more to remove the projectile, it's going to hurt and I don't have a scalpel to do it. So I'm going to have to take a knife in my ...

He didn't let her finish as he already pulled a gigantic blade out of his boot and handed it to her. She looked at the blade, then the Winter Soldier and again the blade. Totally uncertain.

\- Ok, she finally said, grabbing the tactical knife.

She started by cleaning the metal with alcohol, thinking she might injure him in the leg and run away. However, she also suspected that he had to be quick and that his action would just serve to get himself killed. As the tears returned to her cheeks, she brushed them away with the back of her hand and concentrated on her task. She was undeniably uncomfortable, this man kept his eyes on her.

She penetrated the blade over the wound, widening the entrance first. The Winter Soldier closed his eyes and bit back a moan of pain. She continued slowly with her task and with clenched teeth the man was shaking. Although he was sure to be an assassin and would kill her afterwards, his nursing instinct couldn't watch him suffer. Maybe it was a good idea to divert his attention from the pain. Anyway, without anesthesia, you couldn't do much better.

\- I'm almost done. I'm going to remove the ball with the pliers on your right, but I'll probably have to do one or two stitches, she explains.

He looked at her, his eyes slightly teary. She kept talking to say nothing, about the rain and shine, about the upcoming election, about her favorite TV shows. And finally, she cleared the ball. She dropped it into the tub and squeezed the wound with a sterile compress.

\- You can hold it while I prepare something to sew you up, she asked him.

Slowly, the familiarity settled into his monologue. She had stopped shaking, her voice was calm and composed. She even seemed relaxed.

The Winter Soldier placed his iron hand on the compress and continued to look at her. He had noticed the change from address to familiarity. He was fluent in nine languages and understood the distinction perfectly. He was more comfortable with English speaking languages which do not use this overtones. However, he knew that this woman was trying to maintain a certain intimacy by talking to him. Strange behavior!

She was really pretty that being said and he loved the sound of her soothing voice. She had gentle hands. He breathed in her scent, so good, so spicy. His gaze caught hers, a few moments but enough to make him feel very warm inside. He didn't understand the feeling, but he appreciated it.

She grabbed the stained compress and worked the stitches.

\- What's your name ? she ends up asking him

He gave her a blank look.

\- 22, he replied after a long moment of reflection.

\- 22 ? she smiles amused by this unexpected answer, I didn't ask your age, but your name.

\- My name is 22, the Winter Soldier repeated in a firmer tone.

His expression broke down. Whatever happened to this man, it was not human. He had endured the pain without really complaining. He had also already healed before she attended to his wound and despite that he had the strength to lift a weapon. His metal arm seemed to be caught in the bones and his entire shoulder. There was at least part of her lungs that must have been crushed by her. The wounds surrounding the metal were festering with stinks. They were not being treated properly.

\- I can clean that up for you if you want, she offered, showing him the wounds surrounding his metal arm.

He shrugged his shoulders.

Gently, she disinfects the festering areas. Her left hand resting on the Winter Soldier's chest, she could feel his warmth, his pecs strong and muscular. She felt a little dizzy at his touch.

_Damn Stockholm syndrome, it's a quarter of an hour, she thought when she felt a little hotter than normal._

She was with a dangerous man, who had assaulted her and obviously her mind was playing tricks on her. But there was something in his gaze that caught her off guard. For his part, the Winter Soldier was not at his ease either. Her little fingers gently caressing her skin gave her spine chills. And every time she bent down to clean an area on his titanium arm, he felt the tip of her left breast brush against his knee. He swallowed back. The fact that her neckline was so open was a problem for her calm. He found it hard to look away, or ignore the sensations the young woman had on him. He hadn't been so close to a female since…. Since when did he not know !?

\- What's your name ? he surprised himself asking her the question.

She glanced up, almost victorious.

\- Mathilda, Mathilda Krichkaya !

She got up, tidied up her mess and stepped back a good yard from him. She was done and surely her life was going to end in a few minutes. They looked at each other for a long time. She thought he was really handsome even with that arm of steel. She knew the moment would pass before he strangled her or broke her neck.

\- I'm done, she whispered in a fragile breath, I imagine you're going to kill me now.

He stood up and bounded the space between them, slamming her against the cold tiled wall, his right hand tightening her throat.

She did not close her eyes. If she had to die, she wanted it but looking at his face, to end her life on something beautiful. He was an inch from her body, she could feel his hot breath on her hair. His breathing was heavy, as if he had run a 500 meters. He was much taller than her, one or two heads of difference. She noticed his chest rise every time he took a breath.

-I feel weird, he said, his voice clearly troubled.

The hand on his throat wasn't rough, nor tight, but enough to feel a slight pressure. If he wanted to, he could snap his hold shut, she wouldn't notice. There was something different between when she found him outside the building and now. The injured animal from less than an hour ago looked disoriented.

-I don’t understand what’s happening to me, he continued in the same tone.

It was then that she noticed where her trouble was coming from. Her body was close enough to hers that she felt something hard press against her stomach. She looked away from his only to glance down. The huge bulge in his pants was significant.

How could he not understand the most basic instinct of man ?

It was obvious that bad luck had happened to him. His behavior, the scars on his body, his arm ... he must have been tortured for a long time, suffered traumatic events to get to this stage of self-incomprehension !

She felt sad for him. Looking up at his face again, she smiled at him, although tears rolled down her cheeks.

\- I know what you have, she whispered to him

She slid a hand over the bulge in his crotch. She applied enough pressure that he felt something through the fabric of his pants. The reaction was immediate, he let out a deep moan and bowed in the sensation. Eyes wide open, he looked at her dumbfounded. His brain was trying to figure out where so much pleasure could come from.

Pleasure! This was a word he had completely forgotten. But far, far away in his memory was this sensation buried. He was not sure, however. As if remembering belongs to someone else. Only then did the pieces of the puzzle slowly fall into place. The beauty of a woman, the desire for a touch, for a sensation both humid and warm at the same time, the desire to become one, to know the sensations arising in the heart of the other ...

The body of this woman, of Mathilda, her softness, her help, her fragility, her voice, her perfume… he had felt it deep in his womb.

Before he could stop and regain control of the Winter Soldier, he leaned against her. He let his body press willingly against his chest, his arms circling her tenderly.

She could feel him shaking, his breath rambling, his skin burning. She had to admit to herself that the desire she felt was completely crazy. She gently pushed him away, just to grab his flesh hand and pull him away from the bathroom.

\- Come ! she intimated, leading him to her room

He let himself be taken away, him the killer in cold blood. The man who was slaughtering the Hydra agents who had watched him a little too closely let himself be guided. Mathilda was dangerous, she made her lose all notion of her missions. He should kill her but ...

She pulled away from him and gently removed her clothes. First her pants, then her blouse and finally her lingerie. He swallowed hard, what he saw was beyond anything Hydra could imagine. She was magnificent! He wanted to touch her, but oddly he didn't know how… almost panicked that he didn't know how to behave. For the first time, he stepped back, his gaze shifting, his arms dangling.

Mathilda approached him cautiously. As delicately as possible, she grabbed his flesh hand to place it on one of her breasts. He shook even more, feeling drunk and compressed in his pants. She pulled herself up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips.

He had done this before, he was sure, but when, with whom and where ? He knew how it was, his body dictated what to do but he was still paralyzed.

And it was when she kissed him a second time that it clicked. He kissed her back, making his way into her open mouth. The feel of her naked body pressed against hers was enough to instinctively make him take off his pants.

He lifted her off the floor and laid her down on the bed behind them. His actions had nothing to do with the Winter Soldier, he was both tender and inexperienced. She guided him through moments of doubt, willingly letting him savor the moment. She listened to him moan and twist on top of her until he lost the last moments of control in a long, hoarse cry.

He dropped down beside her. He closed his eyes, falling into a deep sleep. Mathilda got up from the bed, put on the remnants of pajamas thrown over a chair, and went to her kitchen to grab her phone. She dialed the Militsia number and waited.

\- Agent Milena, I am listening to your request, thundered the interlocutor.

Mathilda took a deep breath two or three times before hanging up. She couldn't do that. The men who had tortured 22 were probably looking for him. They would inevitably make him pay for his escape. She was still scared, but at the same time, she had enjoyed being with someone. She who is always so alone, so lonely. Besides, he seemed to need her help. She wondered if it was pity or the beginning of something playing in her heart.

_Poor apple, you just slept with him, and you liked it, she blamed herself inwardly._

That night she watched him sleep. She had taken her gun and went to hide it under the sofa. It was when the morning lights passed through the blinds that she realized she wouldn't be going to work today. She got up from her makeshift seat to prepare breakfast. After a few minutes, she felt a presence behind her.

She turned to see the man, standing wearing only his pants, a knife in his steel hand. Her gaze was cold, ready to leap to stab her.

\- You want some coffee ? she gasped.

Really, she wished that what had just come out of her mouth was not so sharp. He slowly approached her, the expression on her face blank.

\- What did you do to me yesterday? he spat viciously.

He was threatening, looking for a culprit for his attitude the night before. Need to punish the one who made him so weak, so vulnerable.

\- Nothing, she managed to stammer although her whole body was shaking, we just had sex. We didn't do anything wrong.

He jumped up at Mathilda, the blade under her throat

\- You scare me, I didn't do anything to you… just help, cried the young woman between tears and sobs that compressed her chest.

The Winter Soldier stepped back, dejected by the sensation he felt. A mixture of guilt and absolute terror. It wasn't normal, he shouldn't feel that way, he was a killer, programmed to kill no matter what stood in his way. But Mathilda gave him the impression of giving it back…. Human.

He let go of the knife and hugged her, hugging her tight.

\- Sorry, he said simply.

This may seem normal to anyone unfamiliar with the Winter Soldier, but in view of his service with Hydra, it was a miracle.

She returned the hug, still shaking. Mathilda stroked her back in a soothing and reassuring gesture. But from one caress to another and kiss to kiss, it led them to the kitchen table.

Sitting together on the floor, still breathless from their antics, the Winter Soldier did not want to let go of his embrace. Keeping her in his arms was good.

Several days passed where he was very tactile with Mathilda. She had filed a work stoppage with her head of department on the pretext of a severe flu. She spoke a lot, he said nothing. She was preparing meals and he was watching her. She was suggesting a movie, he would sit next to her on the sofa. At night, before going to bed, he would curl up against her. They always ended up mingling their bodies with each other and letting the waves of pleasure wash over them. Mathilda wasn't complaining, he was tough in bed.

By day 6, she really wanted to know more about 22. Her wound was a distant memory, the scar barely visible. He was lapped like music paper. Hours of clean activity like weight training, showering, eating, and ... sitting on the couch for 30 minutes shows him staring at the wall.

\- 22, can you tell me a bit about yourself ? I would like to know where you come from, those who did this to you ? "

The Winter Soldier looked at her for a long time. He stroked her sweet face as if 22 taking the time to memorize it in great detail. She was desperate for an answer. He was going to stay silent once again with just a hug. But to her surprise, he clicked his tongue in her mouth before taking a deep breath :

\- "I don't know. If I tell you who I am, you could get killed, he said seriously. A German scientist, Zola treated my arm. He told me that I had a serious accident and that my left arm was unrecoverable. So they replaced it with a titanium one. And overnight Zola was gone and they cryogenized me. It was in 1945. When I woke up, I had a new commander."

Mathilda was shocked. Did he say 1945 ?

\- I had some tests that made me stronger, faster. So that I would become what they wanted. And if I don't do what they want, they punish me. They hurt me. I know they erase my memory, sometimes I get confused in my head. I am no longer sure of anything.

\- What are you ? dared to ask the young woman.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, completely shocked to hear her open like that. He let out a long sigh, looking at a point behind her. He didn't know if he should bring up the subject. But he was sure of one thing, it had to be over soon. Hydra would eventually find him. She was in danger if he stayed too long with her.

\- I am an assassin, a weapon created to kill and destroy. This is my goal, this is my mission. I am programmed to take out Hydra targets.

At this information, Mathilda closed her shocked eyes. If everything he said was true, then she had fallen in love with the most dangerous man on the planet. 22 could go crazy at any time.

\- I'll have to go, join them before they find me.

He got up from the couch and grabbed his jacket. She held him back by the arm, her eyes pleading. She didn't want him to go. She loved having him near her. He was safe here in his small apartment. He brought her more than all the scumbags that had happened in her life. She was only 24 years old and she already had a great asshole battery that had made her suffer. 22, he was different. He had to admit, he almost killed her. Nevertheless, he was so soft, so tender when he touched her ...

\- Don't go, they'll hurt you, she begged him.

\- Better me than you, was the Winter Soldier's instinctive response.

Oh, well that was more than unexpected of a soulless assassin. He genuinely cared about Mathilda. She had treated him like a human, not a machine. He had liked the feeling of being something other than a weapon. He owed her a lot. She would miss the touches, the hugs, but seeing her in danger through her fault was unbearable.

And before she could say anything else, he was out of the apartment. She followed him but at the bottom of the building he was gone. She dropped to her knees on the sidewalk, completely stunned. Overwhelmed by grief, she let her pain invade her heart.

On the roof of the building across the street, the Winter Soldier watched the woman he perhaps could love, sobbing. One last look and he hastened to leave the place, as far as possible from Mathilda.

As he suspected, his return to Tunguska base was painful. No sooner had he passed the hangar door, an armada awaited him armed with assault rifles and snipers. Strucker despite his composure and Nazi charisma ran to his favorite "Weapon" and punched him in the face.

\- Where have you been 22 ? he cried with rage in his stomach, we have sent a squad to find you, in vain ! Six days of fruitless searches. To believe that you were hiding from us !

His monocle well wedged under his browbone, he stared at him. The Winter Soldier could kill and have fun with all the soldiers and medics at the Tunguska-based Hydra site, but his protocol prevented him from hitting the generals. Also, Strucker was not afraid to suffer the wrath of the Winter Soldier. He didn't just beat him up in front of his troops, he enslaved his genetically modified soldier with violent blows of an iron bar in the stomach and legs.

\- Answer ! he ordered.

Arms wrapped around his chest after taking those impacts, 22 lowered his head, carefully avoiding Strucker's gaze. Unable to defend himself or raise a hand on a general, his action was directly hampered by the recalibrations that Zola had planned in his neurotransmitters.

\- Hidden in an abandoned warehouse, west of town, he lied to protect Mathilda, I stayed there until my wound was healed and the way was clear. Too many Militsia patrols were circulating after the mission. Mission accomplished, target shot !

Strucker wiped his monocle again, sighing long as if weary.

\- Yes, mission accomplished. You did a very good job Soldier, Hydra is proud of you.

He put a heavy hand on his shoulder as he pushed him to follow him down the hallway along the underground base. However, he did not escort her to his cell, they went to a room that he hated. As soon as they entered the room, he froze. The white coats were bustling around the neurotransmission chair alternated by electric shock and inverted electromagnetic frequency ... in other words, the "seat of torture". 22 couldn't bear to undergo this neural recalibration, it was extremely painful. After the session, her body was still on fire. He felt that his muscles were pulling away from his bones. As for his head, it was going to explode spreading his brains everywhere. However, the hardest part for 22 was whether they were going to use it to punish him, or to erase some of his memory.

\- I think you have to take responsibility for the mistakes made on your mission, Strucker began with a smile, a little recalibration will do you a lot of good.

Removing his jacket and top, he took a seat in that seat, thanking in silence that Strucker didn't question his six-day absence any longer. His excuse had passed. At the same time, it was the first time he had lied to his boss. Why would he have doubted his good faith, attempting to have one ?!

He bit into the mouthguard held out by an assistant to Professor Vladimir Neumann. The teacher had been under the teaching of Zola at a time when the music was still playing on a Vitrola, perhaps the years 45-50 ...

Impossible to give a date with certainty, 22 had been under cryostasis far too often to remember the small details of his strange existence. The man was 15 to 20 years old when he was finally awake from his icy sleep. He must have been in his 65s now, far was his Hitler youth.

When the seat swung back and the machines moved closer to her head, 22 was breathing hard, clinging to her memories of Mathilda, her beauty and her gentleness. Despite the pain, he focused on the young woman, the wholeness of her apartment, the calm she brought to his heart, the smiles she gave him when they watched a so-called "comedy" movie.

She was laughing, he was looking at her. When the suffering was unbearable, he imagined Mathilda touching him, caressing him ... trying to regain pleasure, to remember his kisses and their nights of ecstasy.

And finally, darkness touched his mind. Mathilda's first name was the last thing he thought of before passing out.


	2. The emergence of a Ice Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 (Bucky Barnes) sets up an action plan to find Mathilda. A consequence of his past actions awaits him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : physical violence on a pregnant woman.

Five long months passed after his return to the secret base in Tunguska. Things seemed to be back to normal. 22 had his daily life, between intensive training session and his quiet hours in Professor Neumann's research labs. The gray-haired man gazed at his titanium arm with ideas for innovations to make it even more efficient, more deadly. And the thought of amputating all of the Winter Soldier's limbs for cybernetic prosthetics was starting to grow in his mind in an unhealthy way. Even Strucker looked down on his diagrams.

The rest of the time, before falling asleep, he thought of Mathilda. In fact, she was in all his thoughts. He missed her. Even _"Oscar"_ the young woman's cat was digging a hole. This furball was a real calamity. At times he would run around the apartment and jump on the furniture. Mathilda called it _"her crazy quarter hour"._ These moments made him smile as she lectured her feline in childish language. He also loved to stroke the beast, his white coat was soft to the touch and Oscar's purrs were soothing. Yes, the Winter Soldier loved cats.

But the absence of the young woman by his side was becoming a handicap. Especially when his dreams led him to erotic moments. He could see himself in her arms, being able to almost feel her skin on hers. Guarded as he was, relieving himself was not easy. Most of the time he had to get over his cramp by doing a series of push-ups to forget to focus on his erection.

_Hell, even in the shower the guards were right behind the curtain._

One mistake on his part and the questions would start to rain… he also knew that without a valid answer, the NADEFEI* _(neurotransmitter alternated by electric shock and inverted electromagnetic frequency),_ would make him talk and Mathilda would be killed during the day by an elite Hydra.

But as curious as it seemed to him, he especially needed to see her again. Just one time !

He didn't know why he felt this need, or this lack. After all, she had just helped him, the Death Soldier, the ghost of Hydra, programmed to kill, men, women, children, no matter if that was his mission. She had helped him despite everything and obviously loved him. With a pain in his chest, he swallowed hard. He cared about her, but how to explain this feeling ?

Sitting facing the wall of his cell, he listened to Strucker pour out his anger on a young American agent. He thought he had heard Brock Rumlow's name.

\- Don't talk to me like that Baron, I'm following orders, Rumlow muttered.

\- I don't agree, Winter Soldier is my colt. He belongs to this Soviet land. Plus, he's programmed for a mission of the utmost importance, Strucker yelled.

His venom was coming out of his mouth just as much as his saliva.

Barely a meter separated the two men and obviously they were ready to hit each other in the face. 22 already knew who was going to win it. Young Rumlow was well built, muscular, and his square jaw portended that he wouldn't let Strucker even have an ounce of luck to get the upper hand. Unless the Baron ordered him to kill the agent.

\- Error Baron, a voice suddenly came from the hallway, The Winter Soldier is mine now.

The Winter Soldier looked up at the man who had just entered his perimeter. Dressed in a luxurious suit, blonde, bright blue eyes, the archetypal rich American...

\- Secretary Pierce, Baron Strucker greeted with a bow.

If that had been possible, 22 would have smiled at Strucker's terrified expression. Whoever it was, Secretary Pierce had to be an important figure in Hydra's hierarchy. He was sure of this when the man leaned over him, putting a hand on his shoulder to look at his face more closely. His neurological protocol kicked in and he couldn't push the man away at any time. He was frozen. Pierce was memorized as untouchable in his mind.

_Protect Man. Hydra Father. Protect Man. Hydra Father. Protect Man. Hydra Father..._

This code looped in his head as the senator stared at him. He forced him to open his mouth to look at his teeth like he was an animal. Pierce slapped him in amusement.

\- He's perfect, as his record says, he commented to Rumlow. You're going to be fine at our little base in New York. Hydra needs your services in the United States. You will blend in with the crowd my friends. I promise you will have more freedom than here, locked up like a beast.

Pierce stared at Strucker, visibly annoyed that the Winter Soldier was being treated like a bug on a windshield. So far, the only thing 22 had just remembered was Pierce's announcement. He wanted to take her to New York. He was going to leave Russia, to go to another continent. There was something soothing about it, but also painful...

_Mathilda ! thought 22._

\- Let him do his last mission for you Strucker, Pierce warns, then prepare him to take my jet. I want it in our base before the end of the week, am I clear ?

Strucker reluctantly nodded, promising himself that one day he would take revenge on Pierce. He would create with Neumann his own army of genetically modified soldiers.

Pierce patted 22's shoulder of flesh and left the cell, followed by Rumlow. When the door closed behind them, Strucker smashed his monocle on the small wooden table that served everything. He was furious. Strucker paced back and forth, trying to regain some semblance of calm. But nothing helped, so the easiest way was to clench your fists and let off steam on 22. The punches rained down for a good five minutes before fatigue took hold. The Winter Soldier stood there patiently waiting for him to leave his cell. He felt the taste of blood on his split lip. In a few minutes, there would be no trace of the Baron's fury. However, the urge to slaughter the man was strong.

\- They've earned the right to take you with them, Strucker raged, but letting you move freely is a mistake. You are unable to live like a normal human being. Put back in society, you will get confused. You need rules and limits. They will pay dearly for their imbecility and their naivety… I hate Americans.

With these last words, he left the cell, placing a file on the small wooden table where a mess of glass and a circle of gilded iron reigned.

Without waiting, 22 opened the file to start hunting down his future target. This time it was a whole family ; a father, mother and two children aged 15 and 12. Two boys, Sirkis and Gilead, educated at the Chelyabinsk Polytechnic College. The father, Osniel Kosciusko, a nuclear engineer, had turned down Hydra's offer to work on a major project, along with his wife Larisa, an aeronautical engineer. Refusing to work for Hydra was death assured. No witnesses, no traces. It must have passed for a most common road accident. The information cited in the file was clear ; the mission : follow the Kosciuskos as they leave the weekend at the boys' football stadium. Eliminate the Kosciusko. No survivor.

The road is clear for more than two kilometers at the exit of the city, a bend at almost right angles deemed dangerous. 22 had his plan in mind.

As 22 learned all he needed to know about his targets, in his mind that was already committing the murder, he thought of Mathilda. The hospital she worked in was less than half an hour by motorbike. For this mission, he was going to be alone, on his own. He would probably have time to go find her and say… goodbye !

He had to wait a few days, just a handful of hours, before seeing her. He couldn't wait, something inside him wanted to scream with joy. He changed his mind, for the moment he had to go to Strucker's office and give the strategy of his mission.

On D-Day, he was on edge, in the hangar he noticed Pierce's camouflaged jet. He let out a long sigh, he wouldn't have much time with Mathilda after all. It was a priority to get the job done as quickly as possible.

His motorbike raced through the winding roads that led him to the boarding tarmac. The Antonav An-22 waited as planned, the cargo hold open. It rushed into it like the volute of dust and mud that marked the ground. With a punch, he closed the boarding bay. The pilots were warned not to meet the Winter Soldier. Prohibition to enter into communication with him. Finally, this exclusion with human beings was a blessing. He didn't like to talk. Let alone their stupid questions. In addition, with the great Siberian cold, the local population was more exhausting in their behavior. Pilots were no exception. At the secret base of Tungunska, the Hydra agents shivered and lacked courage. When it came to stepping outside to work on the aeration turbines or maintaining the hangar's camouflage, they moaned. Winter Soldier, he didn't feel the cold, hence his name. The snow covered mountain and valley for a good meter or even two.

He sighed, sitting on a bench in the cargo hold, his thoughts going to Mathilda.

_What she was going to do when she saw him, was she going to run away ?_

_Maybe she never wanted to see him again ?_

He was torturing his mind, aware that he had left him alone with his grief on a filthy sidewalk in a poor neighborhood. If she didn't blame him for it, then maybe the odds would finally turn in her favor. But his karma was so dark he doubted it. After all, he deserved her anger. Or his contempt ...

Yes, he had tried to kill her twice but had given up on the idea. He had been unable to hurt such a sweet young woman.

_I need to see her, to touch her, thought 22 the pain in the heart._

The cargo hold was suddenly coupled with a red glow and an infernal ringing. It was time. He climbed onto his motorcycle, facing the boat ramp. As soon as it started to open, he roared his engine. The Antonov An-22 did not land, flying over a few meters above the ground, without twisting its wings. An aerial feat for such a device. It took even more performance for the Winter Soldier to launch himself from the boarding ramp to the rushing ground. The rear wheel hit the tarmac first. He made a perfect start towards his meeting point with his target. In less than 40 minutes, he arrived near the stadium. It wasn't long before he found the Ford Blue Metallic license plate in the parking lot. He just had to wait.

It was long, too long for his taste ! He couldn't wait to find Mathilda. The wait made him want to cringe. On this day, he had two missions, one official and another… which for once seemed vital to him. So when he saw the little family get into the vehicle, he chased them away. Choose the right time, the right place and without witnesses. When the last cars left the Ford alone on the road, the Winter Soldier resisted his attack.

With the cold, the roads were slippery, snowy and dangerously icy. He saw in the distance the turn he had targeted during his strategy. He increased his speed to reach the height of the vehicle. He didn't think for a second, with a kick he hit the left wing. Its strength was sufficient to force the driver to swivel and swerve into the turn. At nearly 80 mph the Ford was out of control. She rolled over twice before hitting a security bar. The Winter Soldier made a slight u-turn and stopped. There were to be no survivors. He took a determined step towards the casualties. Larisa's face was covered in blood. His arms were at improbable angles, eyes wide open and lifeless. He checked anyway, but there was no more pulse. Osniel wriggled, semi-conscious trying to get some air back into his lungs. 22 seized him by the throat with his fleshly hand. With his titanium fist, he slammed a sharp blow on his chest, shattering his heart. Gilead, the 15-year-old was thrown from the vehicle and died instantly. But Sirkis, the younger, was conscious, still reeling from the accident. His seat belt had saved him. When he opened his eyes, he noticed this man with a steel hand, his head hidden under his motorcycle helmet. He was close to his brother's body, or at least what was left of it. Fear and grief overwhelmed him. His father did not answer his call nor his mother. He was terrified. He managed to unfasten his belt despite his tremors and injuries, but the door was stuck. He crawled towards the broken windshield, ignoring the corpses of his parents. Once out of the vehicle, he was face to face with the biker. Sirkis was sure of one thing, he wasn't there to help him.

\- Please don't hurt me, the young boy pleaded, sobs compressing his chest.

The Winter Soldier lifted his opaque visor. He looked at the child for a long time without real feeling.

\- You are my mission, but I will do it quickly.

And joining actions to words, he broke her neck. The young boy fell on the hood of the lifeless car.

Not dwelling on the scene, he climbed back onto his motorcycle and headed off with a light heart on his second mission. Arriving at the hospital, he hid his black Ducati Race in the parking lot of a hypermarket. Along the alley leading to the emergency room, he got rid of his leather jacket and helmet. It didn't take long for him to get a coat and cap stolen from a chair in a pub.

He ignored the patients in a hurry in the waiting room and plodded through the endless corridors of the hospital. He did not know in which department Mathilda worked and asking a nurse or a doctor was forbidden. He looked for the archives room. It was a cinch to get there, at least for the Winter Soldier. However, searching the hospital computer was more complicated.

\- Fucking password, hissed 22.

It shouldn't take more than a few minutes to crack the system, but his training had taught him one thing; to always be on the move. Being stuck in that room for too long could put him in a difficult position. It took him more than five minutes to enter the server and just as much to find the young woman. Until he saw his name : Mathilda Krichkaya, born April 06, 1976 in Moscow. Resident at Ulitsa Nakhimova Street 13 - Chelyabinsk.

Chelyabinsk School of Medicine

Honors : Very Good

Single.

Start of service : pediatrics, September 16, 1997

The Winter Soldier shut down the computer and rushed to the hospital's pediatric ward. He was keeping his fingers crossed that she was still on duty at 6 p.m.

Night had already fallen. He looked for her among the nurses walking through the halls. Staying incognito in the children's world was harder than he imagined. He walked into the waiting room, taking a seat next to a young boy busy coloring a picture of a robot. The picture seemed familiar to him, as if he had seen someone spend hours drawing or doodling in a notebook.

He wasn't comfortable with all these kids sitting in their seats. Some coughing with fever on their faces, while others with tears in their eyes were hurt. A little girl walked into the waiting room with a pair of crutches, her mother leaping up as if his life depended on it.

\- She was very brave, a true champion, said a voice 22 knew well.

He looked up. Mathilda standing behind the little girl on crutches. She was talking with the mother. Her smile was wonderful. She was even more beautiful than she remembered. Her hair was loose over her shoulders, her porcelain complexion was highlighted with a pink lipstick. However, her eyes were dark circles… she looked tired.

She looked cute in her pink uniform, her left breast marked with a cartoon character.

He stood up, still gazing at her, his heart racing. His fleshy hand was clammy and his legs were shaking. The genetically modified soldier was in a state he could not understand. He felt weak and happy at the same time. Yes, he felt happy just seeing her. This feeling was a threat, he should have eradicated it long ago. But he couldn't force himself to do so.

She saw him and her smile faded !

She apologized to mother and daughter, eyeing 22 before leaving the waiting room.

The soldier followed her quickly.

His heart was pounding, he felt himself wavering, even sick. She was running away from him, that's what he had feared.

To her surprise, she was waiting behind the wall in the exit hall.

Their gazes hang on tightly before Mathilda threw herself into his arms. Without waiting, he hugged her to his heart. He finally touched her, she was in his arms. He had dreamed so many times in his cell to relive this moment. He could hear her sobbing against his chest. It was the most adorable sound he had heard in his entire life as a super-trained assassin. She was happy to be back, relieved. They stayed like that for long minutes, before she pulled away from his embrace.

\- I'm leaving in 10 minutes, wait for me at the North exit, there is a shelter where you can hide. I'll join you there, she told him before returning to her service.

The soldier, still his heart pounding, watched her disappear towards the admissions offices. He went to their meeting point. And indeed, between two walls of the hospital there was a recess provided for the storage of waste. He waited thoughtfully!

It wasn't that long before he heard footsteps coming towards his hiding place. Instinctively, he prepared for battle. After all, Mathilda could use her weakness to make him stop. It will only be a fair turn of events.

\- 22, Mathilda called cautiously, it's me, I'm alone you can go out when you're ready.

The young woman was intelligent. She soon realized that she had to act patiently and gently to coax the man. He reacted like a trapped animal, struggling like a devil between slaughter and murder. But she also understood that he was not directly responsible for her condition. 22 had told him before he left that he was a weapon, a soldier genetically modified to perform extreme missions. After her flight, she had done some research. She had discovered in the local newspapers, the spectacular murder of Nikolai Tikhomirov the same day she met 22. It was no accident. She couldn't find any video from the day the chemical engineer was murdered, yet she knew 22 was the murderer. Mathilda had fallen under the strange and dangerous spell of the soldier with the cybernetic arm.

22 came out of his hiding place with a sharp dagger in his hand. Obviously. She didn't expect anything less from him. She was sure of one thing that being said ; that he wouldn't hurt her on purpose.

Slowly, she approached him. She let herself go once more in his embrace. She instantly felt his arms tighten tenderly around her shoulders. Her breath was hot against her hair. Mathilda could even feel her heart pounding very hard in her chest.

\- I thought I would never see you again, she articulated with difficulty in emotion.

\- I thought you would never want to see me again, he said half-word.

The Winter Soldier and Mathilda stayed a few minutes enjoying the moment of being reunited. Once the mutual fears were driven away, they parted from their embrace. Mathilda grabbed her titanium hand and urged her to follow her to the underground parking lots. When they got to his car, the Winter Soldier smiled faintly for the first time. A mocking air !

\- What, she said indignantly, she looks a little ramshackle but I care a lot.

Obviously amused, 22 climbed into the little pale green Volkswagen Coccinelle. Feeling cramped would have been an understatement, he felt like a giant in a matchbox.

They remained silent throughout the journey. The Soldier did not take his eyes off the young woman. He wanted to remember as many little things as possible from her. The way he pursed his lower lip with his teeth, his hand that was pulling a lock of hair behind his ear, the blinking of his eyelids… he wanted to remember absolutely everything.

Finally arrived at his apartment, 22 huffed, he could lower his guard a little. Here he knew he was safe, away from Hydra. Oscar, came to stick to his shoes, meowing as if to greet him. He grabbed the fur ball, a light caress before dropping it on the couch.

\- I'll leave for the United States at night.

She had not yet taken off her heavy coat, when Mathilda felt herself frozen covered in cold sweat.

\- I wanted to say goodbye to you and thank you for helping me when I was injured.

She nodded, her facial features in pain. When tears rolled down her cheeks, the Winter Soldier approached to comfort her but she dodged him.

Hands raised in front of her in surrender. She slowly took off her big black coat, revealing something that had escaped the Soldier.

\- I’m pregnant, she said although the roundness of her stomach was significant, you’re the father.

22's facial expression broke down. He was already very pale naturally, but he seemed to turn completely as white as snow. Stiff as a stick, he thought his legs froze in the parquet although he felt totally limp on the knee.

\- You haven't done anything wrong, she said stroking his swollen abdomen, we haven't done anything wrong. And I'm not really asking you for anything 22. I know that the situation is not easy for you, but I assure you, this child will not miss anything.

The Soldier swallowed several times. It was in his notion and his neurological recalibration to be prepared for all situations, including anticipating them. But that… he had never prepared for it.

Mathilda was carrying a child. His child.

_Hadn't he killed two young boys in cold blood today ?_

To wonder if he would make a good father was totally absurd. He was an assassin, programmed to kill, he didn't know anything else. He would bring nothing good to this offspring.

_If Baron Strucker finds out, he will punish me and kill Mathilda, still thought 22 staring at her round belly._

At this thought, he felt paralyzed !

God, Hydra would never get rid of her offspring. On the contrary, this child would be the object of studies, observations and genetic changes. He or she would be locked in a windowless cell of 3m2 to in turn become a murderer. Just like him. Undergoing torture, pain and grief. This child, her child would become a monster in the hand of Hydra and Mathilda would keep alive to undergo daily tests, prisoner of Strucker.

Mathilda, that child ; it was his family !

Deep inside him, far, far away where Hydra had not been able to make his mark, an instinct stronger than their recalibration had not been destroyed : the fatherly instinct !

With one step, he closed the gap between her and him. 22 made her stay in his arms when Mathilda struggled.

\- Are you 5 months pregnant ? he wanted to assure himself.

She nodded. The Soldier felt intoxicated with both joy and fear. As he tenderly stroked her lovely round stomach, he made a promise to himself to protect his family.

\- You need to leave for New York as quickly as possible, he inquired while going to the room of the young woman. You pack your bags and take the first flight.

Mathilda was taken aback by the soldier's radical change. She followed him into what was for a few days their cozy little nest. There was a flood of information that she couldn't process.

\- 22… ? she called him for the first time.

The Soldier was already busy filling the suitcase that was above the cupboard.

\- 22 ! she repeated with a little more conviction.

He still wasn't listening. He had switched to Winter Soldier mode. Her concern was to keep Mathilda as safe and as close as possible to her surveillance.

\- 22, she cried on the edge of her nerves. I can't go to New York. I don't have a passport and not enough money to pay for the ticket. And I speak very poor English.

The Winter Soldier stopped dead in his tracks, gazing into the young woman's green eyes. She seemed so fragile, so upset… but he had no choice, he couldn't spare her.

\- You will learn, he snapped dryly and left the room like a tornado, Mathilda at his heels.

\- But where are you going ? the future mother worried when he saw him grip the front door handle.

If he had to leave her life again, she wasn't sure she could bear the abandonment a second time. It had taken him many weeks to heal from his grief. Finding out about her pregnancy was a painful moment. Now that he was here, she wanted to believe in something happier.

The Winter Soldier whirled around to grab her by the waist and kiss her. It was a sloppy kiss, desperate, but one that sealed a promise.

\- I'll be back, he whispered in her ear and left.

Mathilda stared at the door for a long time before going to sit on her couch, Oscar purring on her lap. Every half hour she stared at her clock. Time passed and 22 did not return. After more than two hours of waiting, she was ready to accept anything, even leave her country within a minute.

But the moment she stared at that damn clock again that was showing nastily at 9 : 37 p.m., the door swung open. The Soldier entered, dropping a backpack he didn't have when he left and tore himself from his snow-covered coat.

Mathilda jumped up to throw herself in his arms. Immediately he tightened the embrace.

\- We don't have much time, he informed her, forcing her to sit down on his couch.

He took the backpack and pulled out a passport and a huge wad of dollars. Civil status papers, a ticket to New York and an English / Russian language dictionary.

\- You’re going to your bank tomorrow and you close all your accounts, he explained, you are resigning your nursing job on the pretext that you want your baby to be born in the United States. In a week, you're on the plane.

Take only what is necessary, including Oscar. Once in New York, you drive to the Dream Downtown Hotel in Manahattan. You stay there until I contact you. I take care of the rest.

Even though Mathilda wanted to know how he had managed to get all these documents so quickly as well as the money, she couldn't refuse anymore. She was going to give birth in less than 4 months, find a job, learn the language, find an apartment ...

It was a very risky bet. 22 didn't realize the dangers and even if he was reassuring with the $2,000 in hand, that would only be enough to live for a few months.

\- I'm scared, she whispered.

The Winter Soldier sighed. He understood her fears, yet he knew she was a strong and courageous woman. She had helped him and even loved him despite his difference. He was an animal, a monster and yet she had given him her trust… her love. He knew she would make it ! He had unwavering confidence in her.

\- I know, he replied, but you are an exceptional woman. You were ready to raise this baby on your own, ready to fight against me… You are stronger than you think.

She prayed that he was right. He had more faith in her, than himself. He encircled her in his arms of muscle and titanium, just enough time for a kiss. Goodbye before having to leave her again.

\- I have to go, I have two flights to take tonight and the first one will not be waiting for me if I’m not at the meeting point.

\- I love you, he heard her tell her as he was about to leave.

He turned, smiled at her and walked away.

He raced through town, picked up his discarded clothes and his motorbike, and rushed off to his rally point.

The Antanov waited as planned, the cargo hold open. It was almost midnight when he climbed into the plane, his heart heavy at having left Mathilda behind.

In a few hours, Russia would be a vague memory.

No sooner had he returned to Tunguska's base than Strucker was waiting for him with Rumlow. His motorcycle was grabbed and he was unceremoniously escorted to Pierce's jet.

\- Hail Hydra ! Strucker inquired as he greeted him down the ramp.

The Winter Soldier looked at him. He knew what he was leaving, but didn't know what he was going to find in New York.

More freedom, Pierce had said. Yes, but at what price ?!

He only hoped to keep all the agents and representatives of the Order of the Octopus as far away as possible from Mathilda and her child. Keeping it a secret might be more difficult, but let's face it, the US offers many possibilities.

\- You're going to be fine with us, Rumlow inquired, sitting comfortably in the jet chair, an ocean view bedroom awaits you. It will change you from your dog cell.

Satisfied with his insult, Rumlow laughed. If the Americans were all like him, he was sure to downsize Hydra quickly. He was staring at Rumlow, imagining all the possibilities of killing him.

After several hours of annoying flight, he finally set foot on United States soil. Pierce was there to accompany him to their base. Strangely enough, she was not hidden. A huge building served as a refuge for Hydra.

\- You will be better with us, said Pierce, showing him the way, your talents will be appreciated here.

Passing through what appeared to be basements, they passed guards posted every 10 meters. At the end of the corridor, an armored door.

\- Here are your quarters, Pierce said, visibly pleased with his theatrical openness.

The Winter Soldier sized the room. 10 m3, a window open to the Atlantic Ocean, the walls painted white, a bed with a chest of drawers, a desk. It was more than he could imagine. Still, all of this was of little interest to him. He was not programmed to like comfort.

\- You are free to go where you want, with or without the guards, Pierce continued on his throw. You are known to be a ghost, so we don't have to worry. Complete your missions and we will be satisfied.

The Winter Soldier if he could, would have fallen backwards. That was all he needed, freedom of movement. Without supervision, he could get to Mathilda. Maybe see her more often than he had hoped.

\- But to start, cut me this wig my friend.

And with that last word, Pierce left what was now his quarters.

As usual, 22 probed the whole room. It wasn't long before he noticed the camouflaged camera and the microphones scattered here and there. Someone had gone to great lengths to make them stealthy. In vain. He opened all the drawers : empty!

No weapons available, only a notepad on the desk and the sharpened pencil could be used to puncture an eye or drive it into the breastbone.

The bathroom was small. However, the toilet was no longer within three feet of his headboard. In the end, this comfort was readily accepted. The shower cabin was opaque, modern…

He found neither microphone nor camera. It was somehow a relief to know that he was finally going to be able to shower without having a guard posted behind the curtain.

Yes, he had to admit, those little changes were welcome.

Now all he had to do was wait for the missions assigned to him and arrange for Mathilda's return. In a week she would be in New York.

***

A week had passed and Mathilda had taken the plane to change her life for good. She doubted she was living the American dream, but at least her child would surely have a better chance of having a better life than in the Motherland.

Once she managed to find a cab, she went to the address given to her 22. The Dream Downtown hotel was amazing. Spacious, luxurious and the rooms were plush with a kitchenette. She hesitated for a long time before releasing Oscar from his small transport cage. The cat circled the rooms, hesitating slightly and still overwhelmed by the trip. But his mistress, she seemed to be on cloud nine. Mathilda was jumping for joy when a knock rang out on the door. Immediately she thought of her dark soldier.

Disappointment, it was a Bellboy.

\- Excuse me Madam, but this letter has been waiting for you since yesterday.

He handed her a letter.

She thanked him and opened the mail. Her English was really awful, she barely understood what the bell boy had said to her. And the letter didn't help, the handwriting was beautiful, but the words were incomprehensible.

\- A translator would be welcome, she whispered in despair.

Grabbing her English / Russian dictionary, she began to translate it word for word. Gradually, the smile returned :

_You will learn the language quickly._

_I'll see you soon. Pending, go to the nearest hospital to see if everything is okay with the baby._

She hugged the letter to her heart. Going to the window, she knew he couldn't be very far.

The next day, she went to the Bellevue Central Hospital. Communication was rough, but Mathilda didn’t fare too badly. The gynecologist who took care of her spoke a little Russian. This enabled her to tell him that she was working in the pediatric ward of the Chelyabinsk hospital. With a smile, he advised her to apply to their own department as soon as she became more fluent in the language. Mathilda knew it was out of courtesy, but it gave her hope for the future. When she saw her child on the ultrasound and heard her heartbeat, she really wished 22 was there.

\- Do you want to know the sex ? asked the gynecologist.

\- Yes, she emboldened without hesitation.

\- She's a little girl, she looks very healthy. Her heart is beating a little faster than normal, but nothing to worry about.

It was really great news. 22 and she was going to have a daughter.

However, after a month Mathilda was much less playful. She was starting to get used to speaking another language, understanding her surroundings better. Her dictionary had become a real relic that she never left behind. But the absence of 22 was felt. No news from him. Every day, she scoured the classifieds to find a job, or even a small apartment. In vain.

One morning the bellhop knocked on his door.

\- Hello Greg, she greeted him.

\- Hello Madam, a package for you.

After spending a month surveying the hotel, Mathilda had gotten to know all the housekeepers and bellboys. She had become like neighbors, much nicer than the ones she had in Chelyabinsk. Greg was kind enough to change Oscar's litter box every day.

As she opened her package, the young man bustled about while talking to the cat circling around him. As if Oscar was trying to ensure the proper maintenance of his litter box.

Inside the package was a large wad of cash and a bunch of keys. Mathilda counted them quickly, at first glance in the 5,000 dollars. She breathed for a long time to resume a normal rhythm and put them back as quickly as possible in the box. The little note was 22, she recognized the handwriting.

_An apartment has been signed in your name at :_

_171 Greenwitch Village - 18th Floor Door B - Manahattan NY._

_You have enough money to furnish yourself and the baby._

_I'm trying to come see you, but I'm on a "guarded" mission._

_I miss you._

\- Madam, are you Ok ? Greg worried.

Knowing that 22 was on her mind and missing her was enough to turn her hormones upside down. It didn't take much to start crying. In this case, tears of joy.

\- No Greg, everything is fine. I just heard that the apartment I had booked is finally free, she lied and by all Saints she was doing very well.

Falling in love with an assassin didn't have all its downsides. She was starting to learn to become invisible while being exposed.

His new apartment was gigantic, a breathtaking view of Manahattan. Large picture windows allowed light to fill the rooms in comfortable warmth. The kitchen was spacious semi open to a large living room. As for the two bedrooms, Mathilda was eager to fit them out. Most impressive about Americans ; that is, you can walk into a store, have it delivered to your home within an hour and someone else assembles your furniture.

Within days, Mathilda's apartment was comfortably furnished, even the baby's room was ready.

As the Christmas holidays approached, she had placed a small tree in the corner of the living room. A few lights to catch up with the ambiance were running along the beams. Even though she was alone, she wanted to spend her first Christmas American style. But this loneliness hurt him.

December 24 had arrived. It was snowing a lot that morning. She had traveled to Bellevue Central Hospital on her own for her monthly visit. Her daughter was doing well. A beautiful baby like him said his gynecologist, a strong heart. But his, his heart felt very empty. Rather than take a taxi as usual, she took the subway train. She didn’t want to argue, and New York taxi drivers had a nasty habit of talking and saying nothing. Her eyes fixed, she didn't notice the man staring at her. He had been following her for a little while. He had been behind Mathilda since she was released from the hospital. She was too sad, too downcast and tired to notice it. So when she got off at her station, she didn't pay attention that he was pulling himself up right behind her. He grabbed her by the waist and gagged her. Panicked, she began to struggle.

\- It's me, 22 whispered.

And he let go. It was the simple little moment for her to fall into his arms. Literally speaking.

He tightened his embrace, letting her sob against his heart. He took advantage of this moment as if it were the last. But he was not to remain exposed, too many people passed by, the security cameras of the traders could capture the image of the Soldier. He couldn't allow it.

\- Let's go to your place, he suggested.

Within minutes they were home. The Soldier held himself well in the elevator, staying a good yard apart. However, as soon as the door was opened and he could search the whole apartment, he rushed over to Mathilda to kiss her. The Soldier was frantic, his gestures trembling, his breathing panting, impossible to leave the contact of his lips.

\- Where's the bedroom ? he stammered.

\- Down the hall.

Jackets, sweaters and pants were left on the floor as they made their way to said room. He lifted her in his arms to lay her gently on the bed, acting carefully not to hurt his baby. Out of breath, he withdrew the last vestiges of her lingerie, kissing her body with passion. Mathilda was beautiful pregnant, her body had gained weight, she seemed less puny and more fulfilled.

To say he made love to her desperately was an understatement. He clung to the young woman like a buoy. The need for his warmth had been felt every day since his arrival at the Alexander Pierce base. The frustration of not being able to see her as easily as he had hoped had engendered a facet of her personality in his mind that he did not know.

Covered in sweat, still panting from their antics, 22 encircled the young woman in the crook of his arms. He didn't want to let go of her anymore. At least not for the next few hours. Mathilda was exhausted, she was already dozing against his neck. She was well, peaceful and happy.

\- She's a girl, she whispered, sleep winning her over, we're having a baby girl.

And on this last little word, she was carried away by dreams.

The Winter Soldier kissed his forehead, a smile on his face. His titanium hand rested on the young woman's stomach. He knew that the little being that was growing inside her was a part of him, a part that was hardly human. He was genetically engineered with both a supersoldier serum and nanoparticles made from an alien stone, to make his cybernetic arm compatible with his flesh and bones.

What was his particular cocktail going to do with normal human genes ?

Besides, he didn't know what the Supersoldier Serum contained. 22 hoped she was perfectly healthy. He was worried that she would develop physical and / or organic problems like the victims of Chernobyl. Her greatest fear, however, was that she would develop skills identical to hers. In both cases, the concern was palpable.

The Soldier rose from the bed, tightening the covers around Mathilda. He wandered around the rooms, noticing how delicately she had decorated his apartment. He walked over to the tree where Oscar was asleep at his foot. This Christmas custom was no stranger to him, but it meant nothing to him. It wasn't a matter of wasting time and commercial futility, but rather because she had been taken away from her need to get attached to things. Neurological recalibration was also planned for this purpose, to suppress all human desires.

So how do you explain how he felt about Mathilda ? This constant desire to touch her ? Of constantly feeling harassed by the desire to blend in ? Sex, however, was a part that Hydra had removed from her instincts. He had been having intense sex less than an hour ago and his body was still crying.

As he returned to what his desire and appetite demanded, he noticed a small pink wooden sign with a rabbit hanging on a door.

He opened it and unconsciously turned on the light before he felt himself weaken. In front of him stood the nursery, all pink and adorned with drawings and flowers on the walls. Teddy bears climbed in unison on a shelf, books still wrapped sat in a box ... and the cradle! When he put his titanium hand on the wood, he stepped back.

How could he take care of his baby with an arm like his ? He was a monster in every sense of the word. He was not to become a father, that was a huge mistake. He would end up hurting her. He was going to have to make a decision and that was hardly encouraging for Mathilda.

He was about to leave this room and never set foot there again when he saw a small frame showing an ultrasound. The first photo of his daughter. He felt her eyes prickle him. He wasn't going to have a choice. If what he was feeling was love then it hurt. The best he could do for this child was to stay away !

He walked out of the baby's room and turned to Mathilda to hug her. She was still sleeping and he knew that when he woke up he was going to hurt her.

In a few hours, on Christmas morning, he would leave her for good and never come back to his life.

Mathilda woke up in the early evening, sleep had done her good. The man who was against her was sleeping peacefully. Everything was perfect.

She got up with the aim of making them a small dinner, at least with the hope that he would stay. With the TV in the background, she was preparing typical Russian dishes. She was busy with the task when she felt two strong arms encircle her by the waist and the contact of the lips on her collarbone.

\- Hello, she greeted him with a big happy smile.

\- Hello, the soldier replied, a little more bitter.

She turned from her stove for a soft kiss. Nothing was more beautiful than having the man she loved at home. She felt alive and happy, which after all these months of sadness was a blessing.

Have fun imagining the Winter Soldier wearing nothing but a pink apron. The latter preparing a sauce in front of a gas stove and you will see all the Hydra agents laughing. Mathilda had a knack for making a super assassin lose all credibility. It didn't take long for the young woman to grab her camera and take a stolen picture.

The dinner was delicious. A festive meal as she rarely had. 22 on the other hand had never eaten so well. Far away was Hydra's controlled food, questionable in taste and nauseating color. The calm was soothing.

Then, Breaking News made a special report regarding the murder of Senator Bailey, who was shot in the skull. The facts took place early in the morning. A Barrett M82 sniper rifle was found over 3600 meters away in a disused tower. An impossible shot, scientists say, even for the most seasoned sniper ! The latest to achieve such a feat was Sergeant Carlos Hathcock in February 1967 over a distance of 2,286 meters in the Vietnam War.

Mathilda looked at 22, he didn't look down from the screen.

\- I thought you shouldn't leave any trace of your actions, she tried, yet you left your gun.

Still staring at the images passing before him, 22 remained silent. Yet Mathilda knew it could only be him. The Soldier had been very clear the first time he explained what he was trained to. The most extreme cases, therefore the most sensitive. She sighed, weary of being confronted with his silence. She let herself slide against him anyway, feeling the coldness of his steel arm.

\- Sometimes it's better to leave your gun and no fingerprints, 22 finally explained.

Mathilda straightened up to face him.

\- The Barrett M82 is a sniper rifle used by many nations, he continued, the police will find themselves caught in an administrative gear between the FBI, the JAG and the NCIS. Eventually, they will waste more time in arranging their services than finding the sniper. And I was in a hurry to see you, no need to burden myself with the weapon.

\- Did you shoot him ?

Mathilda already knew the answer. He had just admitted it but she really wanted to hear it, ignoring the fact that he was in a hurry to see her.

\- Yes, he replied without reaction.

The mom-to-be didn't know what hurt her the most, knowing that 22 really didn't feel anything or that he was being so honest with her. Technically, the more you know about someone like him, the more likely you are to be eliminated. Questions were racing in her head, she had to know.

\- Every time we saw each other or dropped a mail at the hotel, did you kill someone ?

\- Yes, these are my missions, he maintained without preamble.

His gaze was fixed on the young woman. His eyes betrayed no remorse, no emotion. Like this was banal, normal.

Mathilda knew he was programmed for this, like a robot. Yet in his monstrous side, he was so gentle, so tender with her. Her gestures were delicate, like this she was a fragile and precious little thing. His touch, his caresses, the way he made love to her ...

He was not a Soldier trained to kill. He was even more affectionate and carnal than any of the men she had known. 22 is exceptional as a man, or a companion. But despite this, she couldn't ignore that he was killing people and every time they saw each other innocent people fell. Fear and pain stabbed her heart when she had a revelation about 22. And maybe her answer would open her eyes to her feelings.

But would that change anything ? After all, he had done everything to keep an eye on her and their baby, to protect them but ...

\- If your mission was me or your daughter, would you kill us ? she finally asked, eyes swollen with tears.

The Winter Soldier remained silent for a long time as if plunged into a long reflection.

\- I must fulfill my missions, was his answer.

Mathilda gave a hoarse cry before bursting into tears. It was more than she could take. She stood up and walked away from the man she had stupidly fallen in love with. She was running out of air, her lungs couldn't breathe in oxygen. His head was spinning, plunging into the dark abysses of unconsciousness.

When she regained consciousness, she felt something cold on her forehead. Her mind still hazy, it took a few moments before she remembered the horrible truth. His hand rested on the wet glove placed on his head. She was lying on the sofa. She didn't seem to be suffering from any trauma. She straightened up to find that 22 was sitting on the floor with his head bowed. Her long black hair hiding her face. She stood up cautiously and knelt in front of him as best she could.

\- Hey ! she called out, lifting his face.

She was shocked to see 22's eyes red and swollen, he looked miserable.

\- How long have I been in apples ? she asked, pointing to the sofa.

\- About ten minutes, was a broken answer.

Mathilda molested herself internally. Between the moment she asked him the fateful question and her discomfort, something painful had happened for the Winter Soldier. On second thought, he was programmed to fulfill his missions. Once a target was given, he had to eradicate it. He had no choice, he was undergoing forced conditioning. He had thought about it before giving her his answer, maybe he had never considered that case until she said it. In this case, the revelation of these words was just as painful for her as for him.

\- I will make sure that your daughter and I never become your mission 22, she assured him in a low voice, placing a caress in his hair.

He circled her in his arms. Letting run a long sigh that sounded more like sobs than heavy breathing.

\- Thank you, he whispered as relieved.

This simple word consolidated Mathilda's thoughts. He would never hurt them. He would protect them. But if he had to, he wouldn't have a choice.

\- I'm going to leave your life. Yours and the child's, he revealed under his breath as he distanced himself.

Mathilda was taken out of her thoughts by her abrupt words. Was he serious ?

\- What ? Mathilda urged.

The Winter Soldier grabbed her shoulders and took a deep breath. He owed her explanations. He couldn't leave without telling her all the dangers to her if he stayed near her and the baby.

“I don't know how I feel about you exactly,” he said honestly, “but I don't want anything bad to happen to you or the baby. I belong to a militarily trained organization that will soon rule the world. I am a product, a machine, a monster at their command. I do not have a choice. I would only be an obstacle in your life and I would never be a father to her.

Mathilda was stunned. It wasn't even midnight yet that his carriage had turned into a pumpkin. As much as he stabs her in the heart, the effect would be the same. Instead of feeling pain, she was intoxicated with anger.

Before she could catch up, the slap was gone.

\- Coward ! she cried, you are not a machine or a monster, you are a man. You are exactly like all men. As soon as the situation becomes too difficult, you take your legs around your neck and you run away. You made me come to New York to protect me and now you get out of there ?! The truth is, you're scared!

In her anger, Mathilda hadn't noticed the Winter Soldier's clenched fists. His expression had changed to something much more bestial. He could hear what she was telling him. However, all of his concentration was focused on the tingling that spread to his right cheek. Immediately after his gesture, his protocol of action and mission was set in motion. When Mathilda felt the titanium hand tighten around her neck and be pushed hard against the wall, she fell silent. He was squeezing so hard that air could no longer reach his lungs. His anger was quickly swept away, replaced by fear and grief.

\- I have to kill you, he raged, hitting in the her face.

Mathilda fell to the ground. She had triggered a mechanism she couldn't understand. Her nose and cheekbone bleeding, the young woman tried to get some air in her lungs. Instinctively, she protected her baby by squeezing her hands on her stomach, knowing it was unnecessary. The Winter Soldier dropped to one knee to hang over her and was about to give her the killing blow.

\- Complete your mission and kill me ! Kill our child ! moaned Mathilda, blood mingled with tears.

She capitulated, her gaze, her expression didn’t seek a fight. She was resigned. The Winter Soldier probed his victim, his target and saw only the reflection of the monster that was about to damn.

And he heard them; the heartbeat, strong and full of vitality. A _heart of ice_ , soft and alive. Her eyes fell on the belly carrying her child. Her daughter.

As if waking up from a nightmare, 22 let out a cry and stepped back from the young woman horrified by what he had just done. He fell to the floor in a fetal position and began to cry for the dear life.

\- Run away from me, I'm dangerous ! he yelled between his tears

But instead, Mathilda crawled up to him and locked him in her arms. She needed him, like he needed her. By treating someone like a monster, he ends up being one.

\- I would never run away from you, she said very softly, stroking his hair to calm him down. I know you're dangerous, that you can go crazy in seconds. You were programmed to kill, you told me. However, you have just departed from your program. I'm alive.

The sobs and moans died down softly. The Winter Soldier calmed down, deep in thought. What she said was true, he did not complete his mission because he refused. He had chosen his free will. He had chosen not to hurt his daughter. He had chosen to keep Mathilda alive. He had broken his protocols of actions. His neural calibration had failed to remove him from his mission.

He straightened up and looked at Mathilda. His nose and cheekbone were bleeding. The bruise was starting to be visible on his cheek.

_But what did I do ? thought 22 horrified._

He ran into the bathroom for the first aid kit. Mathilda, still stunned by the blow she had taken, did not have the strength to follow him or even to get up. She saw him come back to her with ice and bandages. Gently, he hugged her and helped her sit on the couch. Without a word, he healed his wounds.

There was a long silence, before Mathilda asked :

\- "Tell me all about yourself 22. Who do you work for ? What happens when you don't complete your missions ? What you are feeling ? All. Trust me. "

The Soldier fixed his gaze for a moment before shying away from it, ashamed. Who wouldn't be after what he had done ?

He was not like the men who beat their wives on a daily basis. No, it was a mechanism conditioned in his neurons. But that didn't take away the guilt he felt.

He had hit her hard, bluntly at the risk of injuring the baby.

Injury ?! What humor, he was going to kill her.

He stroked her face, took a seat next to her, and looked for a way to make amends.

When he started to answer his questions, he couldn't stop. He talked about Hydra, Strucker, Pierce, the recalibration room, intensive training and his missions. He brought up the subject of his punishments and how he tortured him with the NADEFEI. What the latter produced on his body and his brain. The way he erased her memory and how he sometimes served as their guinea pig.

At times, Mathilda would start to cry during her story and he would console her in his arms. And sometimes it was the other way around. After several hours of confiding, 22 finally confessed to her that maybe what he felt for her was love. However, he had no certainty or comparison to find out.

But Mathilda knew ! She didn't need more. So when she confided in him about her disastrous childhood, she pointed out to him that they had things in common. She told him about her abusive father, an alcoholic mother and her twin sister who died at the age of 8 from drowning. About his assault in college, the men who had arrived in his life and whom he had treated like garbage. That the only good thing that had happened in her life was her job as a pediatric nurse. And the only time she had ever tasted happiness was in his arms.

\- Don't abandon us 22 !

Tight against his chest, Mathilda begged with all her might that he reverse his decision to leave their lives.

He rocked her for a moment, just enjoying her warmth. He was upset to know how much she could love him. Despite his violent behavior, she trusted him. It was amazing that she felt safe around him. She had explained it well, having a professional killer as a boyfriend or a father was important. He would protect them better than anyone. She was right. But that would not be enough!

\- I'll train you, said 22 after a long reflection.

\- What ? What do you mean ? began to hope for Mathilda.

The Winter Soldier came to stand between his knees, the young woman's face cupped in her hands.

\- I will train you to protect you when I am not near you.

And he kissed her.

No, he wasn't going to leave them.

No, he wouldn't abandon his family.

No, he won't be a father but a trainer.

He was really sure of his decision this time. Mathilda was far too tenacious to let him go. She wouldn't allow it and now she knew all about him. Like him, knew everything about her. She had grown too important to him anyway.

How long would he have lasted before he felt the need to see her ?

They spent Christmas morning in bed and 22 soon realized that making love to a pregnant woman who was reaching her 8th month of pregnancy was more sport than anything else.

She eventually fell asleep, letting 22 take a shower and get dressed again. He wrote her a note before leaving. The base would soon notice his absence and he preferred not to let Pierce know about his escapade.

With a final kiss on his hair and stomach, he left the building.

When Mathilda emerged from Morpheus, she found a letter in place of her murderous supersoldier.

_Mathilda,_

_I must leave before anyone notices my absence for too long._

_I already miss you._

_I promise I will come see you as often as possible._

_Take care of yourself and our baby._

She hugged the letter. The future wasn’t going to be so bad after all !

Isn’t it ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Mobile detachment with a special vocation = detachment from the Militsia with a special vocation. It is the generic name for special forces units of the Russian Interior Ministry and formerly of the USSR.  
> **NADEFEI = NAESIEF for US.
> 
> English is not my first language. If I made any mistakes, I apologize. Thank you for correcting me.


	3. Blake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finally meets his daughter and learns to recognize her feelings as love. Her conditioning begins to crumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your support. Enjoy.

Bellevue Central Hospital,

Manhattan, New York

February 11, 2001

Mathilda felt the first contractions early in the morning. She had made it to Bellevue Central Hospital on her own when the water bag ruptured. The taxi driver had been kind enough to accompany him to the emergency room. He even volunteered to call the baby's father.

\- She has no father, Mathilda replied.

The taxi driver smiled and sighed, wishing him good luck. She wasn't the first to end up in her cab at work and be a single mom. The new generation was really irresponsible and immature. Finally, it was the personal perspective of a man in his fifties who had worked hard all his life to feed his family.

Mathilda shared the work room with other moms. They were all with their spouses. The future dads were there to support and cuddle their wives in times of pain.

Mathilda was alone ! When the contractions got too strong, she squeezed the sheets instead of a soft, warm hand. This loneliness stabbed her heart and she jealous of all her women who didn't realize how lucky they were.

She kept thinking about 22. Wanting him by her side, for him to do exactly what the others were doing. But since Christmas, she hadn't heard from her.

In her mind, she replayed the scenes where 22 left her. Of course, he had changed his mind, had promised to stay and train them. But in the end, he must have made another choice.

Or… he was dead !

With another contraction and this new idea that had just sprouted in her pretty little blonde head, she started to cry.

Alerting, the nurses came to comfort her, tell her that she was doing a good job and that she was brave.

One of them, stayed with her after her duty hours. The 40-year-old had a story and she began to tell him about her adventures in the service.

Catherine Matthews had worked as a nursery nurse for almost 20 years. She had three children, two boys and a girl aged 17 to 13. She had something that soothed Mathilda and her presence was a blessing during the contractions.

\- Tell me about you Mathilda, where is the father of this little piece of cabbage ?

Mathilda almost wanted to laugh. Her life was a farce, where God played around with her karma to drive her crazy.

\- He died, an accident when I lived in Russia.

The pious lie had come out easily in order to protect 22's secret, and keep Hydra away from her child. He had warned her that Hydra agents were infiltrating everywhere and that no one should be trusted. But maybe this was also true ! Maybe 22 was dead.

How do you mourn someone who is already a ghost ?

The nurse stayed by his side until nightfall. But the child was slow to come into the world. Mathilda watched the mothers go by and have their babies.

After 14 hours of work, Mathilda was ready to throw in the towel. Her gynecologist, Dr Robinson came to look at her cervix once more.

\- It is almost 11 pm, a little more than 14 hours of work… well you are courageous Mathilda. We will take a look at this ...

The doctor smiles.

\- Well, I think it's time to take her to the delivery room

Mathilda sighed in relief. Her ordeal would finally come to an end and her daughter would soon be in his arms. At least, that's what she thought.

Giving birth was not as easy as she thought. She had the feeling of giving birth to a Saint Bernard with her barrel.

The nurses and Doctor Robinson encouraged her, however Mathilda was at the end of her rope. Despite being surrounded, the feeling of being alone was overwhelming. She kept thinking about 22, wanting him near her. He had been just a passing man in his last nine months, yet he had marked his life more than anyone else could have.

Hanging on to her last strength, she did whatever Doctor Robinson told her. He guided her through every step.

Until…

\- There she is, she's a beautiful little girl.

When he hugged her Mathilda couldn't believe his eyes. Her daughter, the little being who had grown affectionately in her abdomen was finally here. She was two weeks ahead of schedule, but she looked gorgeous.

The nurses took care of the newborn baby, Mathilda not taking their eyes off her. She wanted to make sure that no one took her baby girl. The constant fear that Hydra would come and kidnap him. The same fears that 22 had confided in him.

When the pediatrician put her daughter in her arms, Mathilda finally knew that her life was going to be incredible. How could it not be otherwise ? She held in her ring a part of 22.

\- What's that little angel's name ? asked a nurse

Mathilda looked at her daughter for a long time.

\- Blake, she replied.

She watched as the nurse put a birth bracelet on her daughter's wrist, with Blake Krichkaya's name written in black pen on the pink ribbon.

As she watched her baby Blake, she heard Doctor Robinson give the pediatrician her daughter's health scores :

\- Blake Krichkaya, born February 12, 2001 at 12 : 06 am local time. Weight : 6,3lbs, Height : 1,58ft, very good locomotor reflex ...

Yes, his daughter was perfect. She already had beautiful little blonde hair, large, wide eyes and features that reminded her of 22.

She fought against sleep to keep her against her as long as possible. And finally, after the fight she had just fought, she sank into the arms of Morpheus.

After three long days in the maternity ward and still without news of 22, they returned to their apartment. Mother and daughter !

\- Here you are at home my dear.

The young mother looked out the large picture window, searching for a random fist. His daughter in his arms was sleeping peacefully. She was deep in thought when someone rang the doorbell.

With a slight start she went to open the door knowing it was her next door neighbor.

\- Hello Sean, greeted the young mother.

\- Hello Mathilda, the young man greeted in his turn, Oscar was very good but he is eager to meet his young mistress.

The young man in his twenties put the cat in the apartment. The furball went straight to his favorite sofa.

\- You're making me lie, Pussy Cat, that's not nice.

Mathilda laughed as she invited her in. Sean was a great neighbor, he was friendly, helpful and quite a good looking man. Nothing could be more normal for a model.

Sean went to the cozy, already in awe of Blake's beauty.

\- My God how beautiful she is, he exclaimed, just as beautiful as the mother.

Mathilda blushed. _What a charmer this one she thought._

The young man asked permission to take her in his arms. He rocked her tenderly, telling her how she was going to make men suffer, what she should be wary of and a whole bunch of precautions that made Mathilda smile.

\- Hey, little lady, you're wearing the pajamas that I advised mom to take you. That's good, good girl ! You will see I know a lot of super nice shops.

\- Slowly Sean, she already has the overflowing cupboards, scolded the young mother.

Knowing the young model a little, she was to expect her daughter to wear Gucci or Guess in the months to follow.

The young boy completely in love with the baby shrugged and sang _"Macho Man"._ Mathilda rolled her eyes.

_I feel like I'm going to have to buy a second wardrobe she thought amused._

Once alone, Mathilda cradled Blake in a Rocking Chair while giving him her bottle. It was a moment of grace where the stillness and silence was soothing. She proceeded to tell him once again how she had met her daddy, what he was like, what he was doing and the bad guys who forced him to do harm. She refused to hide the truth from him, she was sure her daughter would be smart enough not to talk about it around her. It's good that she knows who her father was if he never came back.

A few days later, she set out to find a nanny. She had a vacant seat at a Starbucks, and the boss was okay with her working part time. Mathilda had a multitude of projects, a job of course, but also to resume her medical studies. Going back to a pediatric ward was what she really enjoyed doing, and her daughter deserved to have more than she could offer her right now. If 22 did not return, then she would arrange for her to train with Blake in Martial Arts and weapon handling. And above all, keep Hydra away from her daughter. So no blood test or hospital stay. Mathilda knew that there was a possibility that her daughter's genotype would be identical to that of her father or even mutate.

Mathilda was preparing herself mentally and physically. She realized that 22 was right, she was much stronger than she thought. She never imagined hiding guns in her apartment, or cleaning them. And yet, that is what she did.

Mathilda was going to protect her daughter against Hydra.

***

Two months had passed, Blake was more and more awake. She wasn't sleeping through her nights yet, but she was a calm baby. As Mathilda had predicted, Sean had bought dozens of designer dresses for Blake. Rare was the time when she didn't come home from work to surprise Sean with the nanny trying on his daughter.

It was the life Mathilda had always dreamed of. Only shadow on the board; no news from 22. The young woman felt her heart swarm with grief every time her thoughts turned to her tall, dark brown haired man.

The snow and the cold were gone. Spring had sown the first warm rays here and there between the flowers and the songs of the birds. Mother and daughter, walked through Central Park on weekends and sometimes Mathilda looked 22 for eyes. She always expected to see him around a grove, or behind a tree ...

It was late at night when Mathilda was awakened by a thud. Someone was trying to pick the lock on the front door. First reflex, she grabbed her 9mm hidden under her pillow. Quietly, she walked along the darkened hallway leading to the intruder. The door opened slowly, letting a shadow slip. A man. Her heart pounding, she thought only of her daughter who was sleeping peacefully in her cradle.

\- Move again and I'll blow your brains out, she snapped the tip of the barrel to the man's head.

The man stared at himself for a brief moment, before quickly girding Mathilda. The 9mm fell heavily to the ground.

She was about to scream when an icy hand blocked her mouth.

\- It's me Mathilda, said the man.

The young woman shied away from her grip to flip the switch. She had recognized the voice, however she wanted to be really sure that her mind wasn't playing tricks on her.

\- 22, she sobbed, throwing herself into his arms.

The equally moved Winter Soldier returned the embrace. It was a very long time ... too long before he could smell her scent again, feel her body against hers. He closed the door, making sure no one had heard anything. A moment later, 22 was lifting Mathilda in his arms, kissing her desperately. The young woman was nailed to the wall, her feet no longer touching the ground. They had to break the kiss to catch their breath.

\- I thought you were dead, exclaimed Mathilda, I had no news, I did not know where you were, I was ...

\- Shhh, he silenced her with another kiss, this time softer.

\- I was sent on a mission to Germany, said 22, still holding the young woman closely, I was there for almost a month before I could return. Then Pierce sent me to California and then to Texas. I moved around a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about you and the baby. Where is she ?

Mathilda smiled, both happy and angry that Hydra had once again sent her on a mission. This meant that either men or women had recently died. It was never good news.

She led him to the baby's room. The Winter Soldier immediately noticed the name engraved on the pink rabbit's wooden slip : "Blake".

When he entered the room, he caught his breath. He watched Mathilda lean over the cradle and gently take a little being who was making little moans.

Slowly the young woman turned to 22 and handed him her daughter. Instinctively he took a step back, unsure of what to do.

\- Take it, you won't hurt her, encouraged Mathilda.

Swallowing his saliva, the Winter Soldier reached out to grab his little girl with the greatest tenderness. The emotion he felt at that moment surged through his limbs like a tidal wave. He believed that his legs would give way under him, that his chest would explode under the enormous pressure that engulfed it, or that even the tremors in his body would create an earthquake. No, instead of all that, he felt the waves of tears rolling down his cheeks.

Mathilda wanted to engrave this moment in her memory. The man she loved had returned. He was alive. And he was holding their daughter in his arms.

\- She's beautiful, said 22, his voice louder than he would have liked.

\- She looks like you, remarked Mathilda

Sniffling, 22 lifted her baby a little more to kiss her forehead. He was already certain before his birth that this child would be important in his life. That he would do anything to protect her from the agents of the Hydra and any potential dangers that might lie in its way. What he didn't expect, however, was to feel so much affection and feelings towards Blake. Feelings that he could perhaps express as relentless, unconditional love. Although he didn't really know what it looked like, he might give it that name.

He spent a good part of the night holding her in his arms. Rocking her to her heart wanting to keep her safe. He found himself giving her his bottle and even changing it with Mathilda's help. He had been afraid of hurting her with his strength or with his steel arm, nevertheless all these gestures were ultimately delicate and anxious to take care of Blake.

When Blake fell asleep again, 22 stared at her in her crib for a moment. Mathilda watched her from the door. He had cut his hair long, the complexion less pale and his face clean shaven. He looked so young, 25 years old at most. For the very first time, she had the feeling he was happy. He was smiling !

Not wanting to interrupt this moment, she left him alone and waited in the living room. She picked up the 9mm holding it firmly in her hands and took a seat on the sofa. Oscar purring to his side. She watched the city lights twinkle, the stillness so peaceful making the moment peaceful.

The Winter Soldier kissed his daughter one last time before leaving his room.

He stopped for a moment as he saw Mathilda bathed in the night light. She was sitting on the couch, loose hair cascading over her shoulders. She was only wearing a loose sweater barely covering the top of her thighs and between her legs her hands wrapped around a 9mm. The image was erotic that shook the Winter Soldier.

She noticed his presence and smiled at him. That’s all it took for 22 to come up to her and drop between her thighs. He grabbed the gun and put it on the ground making sure the safety catch was locked. He circled her in his arms to kiss her. It wasn't long before their naked bodies forgot about their long months of separation. He loved to touch her, to see her arch under his steady rhythm, to hear her moans. He had control over his pleasure while he made love to her. Hydra couldn't reach him during those moments when he forgot what he was. The power to feel their skin getting hot and sweaty. To let go inside her without holding back… or almost. It was frustrating as she pushed him away from his grip.

\- Wait, she said panting, I have to go get something.

What the hell did she have to go get ?

He was there, on his knees, naked as a worm his excitement lifted to attention not knowing what to do with himself. He sighed and as he sat down on the couch he realized that a woman who pushed you away during the intimate act was unsettling, even humiliating.

When Mathilda returned, she was holding something in her hand, but far too small for 22 to determine what it was.

She in turn let herself fall between his legs, a Machiavellian smile on her lips before sinking her full length into his mouth. The Winter Soldier let out a cry both surprised and consumed by a pleasure that had never been before him. And God, the sight before him was confusing.

\- I… I…, he stammered unable to formulate words.

Mathilda was proud to see how much he writhed under her caress. When the moans became more erratic, she released her hold. The little frustrated cry that followed was most adorable.

He watched her tear up a small bundle and unroll a movie along its length.

\- I think your body is meant to be a great breeder, Mathilda pointed out to him as she knelt on top of him, and Blake doesn't need a little brother or sister right now.

The Winter Soldier nodded as best he could when he felt that heat wash over him again. Her pace was much slower than hers, he tried to get her to go faster, however she was determined to make their frenzy last longer.

He hugged her tighter, pulling her hips closer to his. He needed to touch her even more, covering her body with the kiss. Mathilda was always surprised to find how sweet and tender she made love to him. He was an assassin, a killing machine as he put it, and yet there was something fragile and innocent in the intimacy.

When he felt he couldn't keep up with Mathilda any longer, he knocked her onto the floor. He needed more, to go deeper. To have more of her touch and her warmth. Mathilda arched in her orgasm, screaming with pleasure. The effect was immediate for 22, forgetting that a 3 month old baby was sleeping, forgetting the neighbors… he screamed. Her own orgasm was relentless, lasting longer than usual. The replicas were just as delicious.

He dropped to her side, breathless. Mathilda stood up again panting to remove the soiled condom. She smiled as she noticed that 22 was still very stiff.

\- Shit, I still ..., began the Winter Soldier

\- Need sex ?! cut Mathilda

He shook his head sharply, stunned by the reflexes of his own body, which did not seem sated yet.

She stroked the body lying on the floor for a long time, kissing every little patch of skin. She lingered on his scars, letting her fingers slide down the steel arm.

The Winter Soldier couldn't take his eyes off the young woman. It was even tastier for him when his mouth slowly descended on his chest and then his belly ...

He growled when he finally felt the warmth of Mathilda's mouth take him once more.

\- It's… it's good, he managed to say with his moans.

Mathilda put even more effort into it. She really liked giving pleasure to this man who must have been in pain locked up by this Pierce, by this institution of shadow Hydra. She knew he would be leaving, but she also wanted these attentions to make him end up needing her more often. What she didn't know was that she had long since become vital to the Winter Soldier.

It wasn't long before 22 arched back to let himself be overwhelmed by a second orgasm. He had just enough time to push Mathilda's head away before coming. But not fast enough, the young woman's face was splashed. 22 quickly grabbed her t-shirt to wipe her dry. He was blushing, embarrassed by what had just happened. Like a child who had done something stupid.

\- I'm sorry, he apologized, his voice trembling.

Mathilda laughed.

\- Nothing wrong, she reassured him, in some situation it's pretty sexy.

The Winter Soldier blushed even more. It was funny how as soon as it came down to sex he could break down or completely lack experience. This man could kill people without any remorse, without feeling the slightest guilt and feeling confused for a moment of awkward tenderness. In short, Hydra had screwed it up !

Four condoms later, the young couple were finally dozing off. The endurance of 22 was quite exceptional. A sailor went to sea for 6 months would have envied his performance.

The Winter Soldier watched Mathilda sleep in the crook of her steel arm. She had changed. His body had gained muscle mass. She had worked her biceps and triceps, her legs seemed more toned to the touch. And for a woman who had given birth recently, her abs were solidly structured.

_She trains hard, thought 22_

His thinking was damaged when he realized that the young woman was sleeping with a gun under her pillow. She had told him that she had hidden them all over the apartment. In case…

It was the "just in case" that bothered him.

Hadn't she blocked him in the front door, her skull threatened by a 9mm ? Her voice hadn't quivered, it had been cold and determined. A touch of pride overwhelmed him in spite of himself. At the same time, however, it was his fear of seeing Hydra disembark to take away his daughter that had driven him to these extremes. 22 cursed himself for telling him what Hydra might do to him if they found out about him. The young woman who was only sweetness and love would end up burning her wings on contact.

The picture was beautiful and well this one, an angel had fallen in love with a demon with a black and metallic feather.

The Winter Soldier let out a long sigh. He was going to spend a lot of time training Mathilda in the Close Combat Arts. She had failed her when she pointed the gun at her head. Its small size was a definite disadvantage, but its speed could make the difference.

He was about to fall asleep when he heard small sobs coming from Blake's room. Without waking Mathilda, he got up and went to his daughter's room. She was wriggling like a handsome devil determined to have her morning snack.

\- Hey little pink thing, he said in a soft voice while taking his daughter in his arms, are you hungry? We'll see what we can do. I know how to disassemble and reassemble an MP7 in 25 seconds, making a bottle of milk does not have to be complicated.

Sitting on the sofa, he was enjoying the moment silently. Eye to eye, he promised to always take care of her wherever he was, no matter what.

\- I promise to train you to become a real killer and you will protect your mom. You will protect her from the bad guys who are out there, from monsters like me.

\- You are not a monster 22, intervened Mathilda.

The young woman had been awake for a while, her maternal clock running non-stop since the birth of her daughter. She had stayed away to listen to the Hydra soldier's confidences. There was so much love and gentleness in the tone of her voice that Mathilda was moved.

If the Soldier of Hydra wasn't upset enough enough about his new situation as a father / mentor, seeing Mathilda too on her own with that loving, compassionate gaze was a done deal. He broke down on the second.

\- I'm a monster, Mathilda and you know it, he retorted with clenched teeth.

The young woman nodded refusing to believe it.

\- No, you're not, sharply contradicting him. If you were, you would have killed me last year and you wouldn't be holding Blake in your arms right now. It’s Hydra who pushes you to do these things, they’re the ones who made you who you are ! And that's who you are that will keep us alive. You are a good 22, deep inside you is another person. I am sure and I trust you. I love you.

The Soldier swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Mathilda had the art of finding the words that pierced your heart. He smiled at her, what else could he do ?

\- You leave ? he asked, finally noticing that she was dressed.

The young woman was wearing black jeans over a little gray sweater and a brown leather jacket, far was his beautiful bare skin when he had left her in bed. She was still very beautiful, however he confessed to himself that the times with Mathilda were perfect when he could feel her whole body against his, hot and feverish.

\- I work 22, she warns him, I have a little job to pay the bills and I have resumed my medical studies. Finally I try, my English is still terrible.

And she laughed, thinking of all the times she had misunderstood her teacher. Or even the customers who came for coffee. The situations were funny but the regulars appreciate it.

\- You have to go, Sean will be coming to babysit Blake soon. I don't have a nanny today and he offered to ...

She didn't have time to finish the sentence that their daughter had left in the cozy room and had grabbed Mathilda by the arms.

\- You don't have to work. I can get you all the money you need ... Who's Sean ? he asked, tightening his grip on the young woman's forearms.

Mathilda could feel that she would have bruises that very evening, 22 squeezing way too tight. Still, she didn't care. She refused to be a prisoner, to have to wait all day long, locked in the apartment, for him to come and see them. She wanted a life… a more or less normal life.

“I like the idea of being self-sufficient and independent,” 22 she explained to him, “and that's what normal people do. In Chelyabinsk I had a job that I liked. I loved helping people, it made me feel like I was useful. It is important to me that I want to become a pediatrician. It's even vital if Blake ever develops your physical skills. Your blood is flowing through his veins and a lab test of his blood can alert Hydra. I don't want to take any risks 22.

She was right. The Winter Soldier knew she had to blend in, have a life that felt normal. Do not attract attention and more, do not arouse suspicion on Blake. If she actually developed the super serum, she would have near-inhuman strength and stamina identical to hers. The training that would then give him would be done accordingly and the injuries might be more or less significant. The hospital was banned. Mathilda was right to want to become a doctor, she could cure her daughter.

He sighed and watched Blake chirp in his cozy.

_I really hope you're genetically normal little pink thing, thought 22, don't develop super strength._

He was worried and he might have prayed that his genome didn't mutate, there was a good chance Blake was as strong and fast as him.

\- Okay, the Winter Soldier admitted.

Mathilda huffed, relieved that she shouldn't come into conflict with 22. He didn't speak much and expressed little about his emotions. When he did it was because he didn't understand his body's reaction. Besides, his body kept telling him a whole different story. He hadn't let go of his iron grip on Mathilda. Something tickling her stomach and a deeply unpleasant tingling in the back of her neck. And finally, it had nothing to do with the fact that she had found a job and resumed her studies.

No, his feelings had come at the same time as this first name of "Sean". And Mathilda had carefully avoided answering him. He didn't know why, but it made him angry.

\- Who's Sean ? he asked again and this time much less tenderly.

Less tenderly ? In fact the most appropriate term would be aggressive. The Soldier hadn't wanted to speak so coldly, but he couldn't understand why these unpleasant sensations made him want to break everything. Worse, they made him want to hurt Mathilda and this Sean !

\- He's the neighbor, replied the young woman in a low voice, he keeps Blake for me from time to time.

Her forearms ached like hell and she saw the look change. His blue eyes had turned dark and dangerous. She had seen that look twice before. The first time was outside her apartment building in Chelyabinsk, their very first meeting, and then after she slapped him in the face following an argument. She knew she had to defuse the situation as soon as possible, her Hydra killer mode was going to take over.

\- You hurt me very badly 22, please release me.

He did nothing.

\- Does he come to see you often ? squeezing harder, the tone icy.

And Mathilda understood. _He’s jealous !_

She leaned down just a little to brush his lips. A chaste contact. A kiss that was meant to be reassuring. She could only imagine what jealousy could do to 22. She didn't want to push the thought any further knowing that disclosure would be painful.

\- He comes often for a drink, she confessed, he covers Blake with exorbitant gifts and ...

The grip tightened to break his bones. She hadn't started at the right end. The approach was awkward.

\- Ok, she breathed, ok, 22 there will never be nothing between Sean and me. He's Queer.

\- I don't care if he's unusual, the Winter Soldier raged.

He felt mad with anger. The thoughts of another man suddenly touching Mathilda caught him off guard and a pain like never before. He didn't understand what he was feeling exactly, but it hurt. And involuntarily, he had pushed the young woman too hard against the wall. Mathilda moaned, pain drawing tears from her. If it hadn't been so brutal, she would have laughed at the sentence of 22.

\- Queer like Gay, ok ? Gay is a word for homosexual. Sean likes men not women. And I would never cheat on you. No other man will touch me 22, it's just you.

Her voice was barely a whisper, broken by the stream of tears streaming down her cheeks. She hadn't even realized she was crying.

For his part, the Winter Soldier suddenly felt an idiot. Mathilda's last words reassured him. He should be worried about his possessiveness, but he couldn't see it any other way. Although he didn't quite understand how he was feeling, he understood that the young woman was his and no one else's.

The young woman saw her gaze change again by this beautiful blue.

\- You're hurting me 22, you're going to break my arms, she warns him.

The Soldier looked at his hands, realizing his gesture. Immediately he released his grip. He hastened to roll up the sleeves to gently rub the injured areas, but it was too late, the skin was already streaking blue and purple.

If there was one thing he hated besides being in the recalibration chair, it was hurting Mathilda. He didn't realize it, his strength overwhelmed him at times, especially when he was irritated or angry.

\- You know you can rub it, it won't go away, smiles Mathilda

The Soldier stopped, the guilt biting like a rabid wolf. He leaned down and kissed the bruises that now clearly outlined his fingers.

The young woman pulled him into her arms. She couldn't stop smiling. Sure, it hurt all over the place, the wall wasn't soft, but the expression 22 had was worth all the gold in the world. His mouth had formed an « _oh »_ , understanding the misunderstanding. These were the few moments when his Soldier felt disarmed by his incomprehension. She could put that on top of sex.

Sex ? Yes, this is a very boring situation. 22's body pressed against his was responding to his primary instinct. The Soldier wore only boxers for all clothing and the friction of the fabrics was enough to send him spikes of pleasure in the lower abdomen. He glanced at his daughter who was sleeping peacefully. He looked for more contact and kissed Mathilda passionately. The young returned her kisses at first glance, however she had to push him away.

\- He's going to be there in less than 20 minutes, she told him, catching her breath, and when you start you…

-… Can't stop anymore, 22 cut in, lifting her off the ground to sink in her hips.

The young woman was ready to drop everything, if only to be in the arms of her Soldier.

 _A few more minutes, she told herself lost in the kisses_.

Reluctantly she finally pushes him away before he begins to undress her.

\- I'm going to be late, the transports are… long, she said, stepping away from the wall.

The Winter Soldier was still panting, a fierce desire to take Mathilda off the couch, or the armchair, or wherever he could touch her. Her irises were fully dilated.

\- All right, he agreed somehow.

He picked up his clothes from around the living room, dressing as he went. His erection was damaged in his pants. He groaned in frustration waiting for the pressure to drop.

Mathilda laughed at his reaction. He was hopping on his rangers to obviously think of something else. He was really cute in a certain situation.

"I have something to give you," he said suddenly, handing her a pair of keys. Can we go down to the garages ?

Taken aback, Mathilda accepted, she still had a little time before Sean came to take Blake. She hugs her daughter, taking care not to wake her.

They went down to the garages together. The place was really dark and scary. Although she lived in a high standard building, the basements were poorly lit, smelling of urine and musty. She didn't like going down there. The garages were lined up across from the storage areas where most people kept their Christmas decorations and a whole bunch of old, unnecessary stuff. They were big boxes closed with bars. Ideal for imprisoning a person or abandoning a corpse.

"Sounds cushy, the place doesn't have the profile of a crime scene," Mathilda whispered to herself.

The Winter Soldier stopped in front of a garage door, pulled out a second set of keys, and opened it. The young woman was speechless.

\- It's not exactly like the one you had before, but at least it's new.

Mathilda froze for a moment. 22 had found him a car, an apple-green New Beetle, latest model.

\- But how… how… ? she stammered moved

\- I broke into the databases, changed the plates and stole it. But it's registered in your name.

All said in a whisper as if it was all normal. The young woman closed her eyes for a moment. She didn't know if she should scream, cry, scream after 22 that was wrong !

Of course it was wrong, stealing is wrong, but what is killing ?

_Really, being a killer's girlfriend is no easy task, she thought._

But all this was quickly swept aside. She only wanted to remember the fact that 22 had seen fit to find a vehicle for her. And one that looked like the one she had in Russia. There was something about this action that proved his Soldier had a heart. He didn't need to tell her, she knew he loved her.

And the car seat attached to the back was further proof.

\- Thank you, she said before kissing him deeply.

The Soldier smiled slightly. She was happy, that's all she needed. She leaned over to look at the dashboard. It was much more modern than on his old car, there was even a GPS.

\- She really is…, she started to say before realizing that 22 was no longer there… beautiful !

Mathilda looked at her daughter, sighing for a long time. She hated when he did that.

\- Goodbye, she said a little louder, come back to us quickly.

She closed the garage door before quickly leaving the premises. And one she was really going to be late for work and two she didn't want to linger in the basement.

In a dark corner, 22 watched him go towards the corridor.

\- Goodbye, he whispered.

He got on the motorbike hidden under a tarp and put on his helmet. He took off with a bang. Carefully avoiding security cameras. He was going to have to get back to Hydra HQ quickly. He actually had a lot more freedom, but Pierce also knew how to put the rope around his neck. No one asked him any questions, he was free to go anywhere he wanted within a 30 km radius. He went way past them to go see Mathilda. He always had to make sure that the vehicle he was taking did not have a tracker, nor his clothing. His biggest fear was that they would put it in his titanium arm. That day, seeing her daughter and Mathilda was definitely over.

All along his way, he only thought of them. Looking forward to seeing them again, to being able to spend much more time with Mathilda than a fleeting night. The few hours were really too little. When he arrived at HQ, his motorcycle was taken from him by a mechanic. Checking his lap count was automatic. He had gotten into the habit of tampering with it so that it only mentioned a few fifty kilometers. But he was going to have to find another method than this, it was way too risky. Once in his cell, he hastened to take a shower. He didn't want anyone to smell Mathilda or Blake on him. In the base, there were a few mutants with a super-developed smell. Even if they did not approach him out of fear of reprisal, it only took an altercation for the situation to escalate. He had to control himself so as not to put his "family" in danger.

The moment he got out of the shower, he came face to face with Pierce.

\- Well my friend, I have very bad news for you.

22's heart stopped. He immediately thought of Mathilda. An agency like Hydra could follow him via satellite or discovered he was changing the motorcycle's tachometer.

\- You won't have any missions for a while. Since General Martellot’s unfortunate accident, Hydra must remain in the shadows. And I must myself prepare my route to the World Security Council. You will be bored.

The Winter Soldier remained unmoved, but inside he huffed, relieved. It served as a lesson, he was going to be much more careful the next few times.

\- You'll find something to occupy yourself. There is so much to see outside, museums, the cinema ...

Mathilda, Blake, thought 22.

Pierce was truly gone in an endless monologue. He praised the virtues of the last film he had seen, the opera his wife absolutely did not want to miss, the new musical trends ...

Sitting in his seat, he stared at Pierce, patiently waiting for him to leave his cell.

\- Well my friend, he said finally taking his leave, I hope you find an occupation that will obviously remain far from the eyes of our fellow citizens. Here is a phone where I can reach you. I will be the only one to contact you if necessary. You can get out of the state but not out of the nation that goes without saying. I leave you free. Hail Hydra.

He put the phone on the desk and left.

If he felt certain things, the Winter Soldier could have said he had just lived the scare of his life. Of course, he was going to be able to spend more time with Mathilda. Pierce had openly told him he could get out of the state. If he was still in Siberia, Strucker would have put him in cryostasis. Ultimately, the land of the United States was a very good thing. Now he was going to get down to taking that phone apart to see if it contained a tracer.

After about twenty minutes, he found it. Tiny and built into the chip. It took him the rest of the day to crack the tracer and change his scope. Thus, he could go to Manhattan and remain stationary while the plotter would indicate another programmed location. His mobility was an asset. Pierce had opened Pandora's box and was thanking him.

***

Over the next few months, the Winter Soldier visited Mathilda regularly. He had started his training and the young woman was pugnacious.

She juggled her motherhood, her part-time job, her classes and her training. Every night she was exhausted.

But she was happy.

22 sometimes stayed with them for a few days. She really felt like a real couple, except they never went out in public. To train it, he had found an old abandoned industrial site just outside the city. The place was perfect for shooting lessons.

\- Mount your gun, hold on tight, watch the recoil, 22 explained once more.

The young woman remained focused, although the man standing behind her circling her waist was a welcome distraction.

He kissed her neck when she touched the mannequin in the head.

\- Perfect, congratulated 22

She was a fast learner. They had spent the summer in close combat. Mathilda was covered with bruises and lacerations. Those around her, like Sean, were worried, but she always found a nice ready-made answer to take the worry away.

Once, Mathilda had asked Sean to keep Blake at his place while spending an evening with a friend. He had agreed, glad she had found a man to distract her. That same evening, he had heard noises in the hallway. He had opened the door to surprise Mathilda pushed against the wall of her apartment, passionately kissed by her date. She tried in vain to put the key in the lock, overwhelmed by arms that would not let go. Seeing Sean, she froze.

The Winter Soldier had tried to hide his face, but Sean had gone completely hysterical.

\- My God my dear, you didn't tell me he was beautiful as a god, I'm going to jealous you, he said, shaking hands with 22 who was far from being manly.

\- Sean, this is… Karl. Karl here is Sean, Mathilda awkwardly made the introductions, 22 had smiled at that first name out of nowhere.

Sean had stammered praises about 22's beauty, detailing every bit of her body. The latter had felt very uncomfortable, hiding his steel hand in his pocket. It was even more embarrassing for the Winter Soldier when Sean had commented on the huge bump under his pants.

\- My God, but you have a monster in your boxers. You must have made people happy, he said, winking at Mathilda. May I pray that one day I will be one of your victims. Without wanting to steal it from you my dear.

\- You could be now, said 22 in an icy tone.

Mathilda rolled her eyes, she knew Sean well enough to know he was joking. Conversely, 22 did not like the young man.

\- Sean doesn't blame us, but Karl and I, well…, she said, miming caresses.

\- Tell me no more, I get it. I'll keep the little chip as long as you want. Have fun and protect yourself.

Sean had finally left them, however the interruption had hurt the Winter Soldier who wanted to break his neck. That evening, the young woman tried to help get through her homophobia. The Soldier did not like the idea that another man could imagine touching him sexually. It had made him nauseous. But after several hours, he realized that it was not all about sex, but attraction and love. And that the partner, whether male or female, is therefore not important.

Later, she used this mishap to explain her bruises to Sean. Like what sex with "Karl" was wonderfully good but a little brutal. It wasn't entirely necessary. He was even fabulous.

As this explanation suited everyone, "Karl" had officially become Mathilda's boyfriend. She must have made up a story for him. Everyone thought he was a computer scientist and traveled a lot for his work.

The Winter Soldier didn't like it that much because it exposed him. He had to be particularly careful when Sean and his partners of passage came to Mathilda for a drink. At the same time, he was learning to become a little more social.

Mathilda was undergoing training to know how to defend herself and 22 was learning to act. The fake smiles in particular. The only thing he really liked about Sean was his exquisite taste in ready-to-wear and that he wasn't stingy with advice. Mathilda regularly went shopping to dress him elegantly from head to toe. He had even started to have spare clothes at her house. His look was no longer a soldier, and he easily went incognito. After several months, it had even become a habit to have your own shampoo or toothbrush next to the young woman's. Certain habits had been formed and 22 was also beginning to glimpse what a normal life was like.

He wore the mask wonderfully. But once alone with Mathilda and Blake, the Winter Soldier was once again the tortured and conditioned man of Hydra. However, seeing his daughter daily was beginning to transform him. In particular on the control of his emotions.

She taught him patience, self-control. And he loved spending time with her more than anything. She slept through the night, sometimes even put her by his side to sleep. His tweets had changed to words and when she ate it was rare that he didn't end up with mashed carrots in his hair.

Mathilda was taking as many pictures as she could. Often like 22. The Winter Soldier's very specific conditioning was to remain invisible, so he did not allow them. However, he didn't say anything when he saw her taking pictures. He knew why she was doing it and somewhere he was thanking her. Mathilda spoke to him openly and she had already confided in him that she was afraid that one day during a mission, he would be killed. She wanted Blake to know who the Winter Soldier was, who her father was. How to blame him ?

His daughter had become his everything. His Universe.

And the first time she said the word “daddy,” 22 felt such a violent pounding in her chest that her gun slipped out of her hands.

Winter had come very quickly and was particularly cold. While families celebrated Thanksgiving, Mathilda, Blake and 22 retired to the old abandoned factory to practice.

Blake was sheltered in a park designed just for her. She watched her father and mother go from combat to knives to firearms. She laughed when she heard the bangs. And reproduced the movements with his teddy bears. 22 liked to watch him during times when nothing else mattered but them.

He had approached his park to grab his blue bear, which had obviously taken a hit from something imaginary.

\- You just killed your bear! he said innocently amused by the round face

\- Daddy, Blake had replied with a smile as he picked up the bear in his hands.

And that's when 22 felt this hot thing in his rib cage coming to life. The weapon he held in his steel hand fell heavily to the cement floor. He leaned over and took his daughter in his arms, hugging her tightly. The child let herself go in the embrace, while chewing on the teddy bear's paw. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he cradled Blake against his heart. For the very first time, he felt alive… free.

No one could have brought him so much peace and well-being as his daughter. She brought him back to life.

Mathilda had watched the scene, moved. She both wanted to join them to take advantage of this moment. However, she didn't want to interfere with how 22. She had noticed the click, as if he was waking up from a deep sleep. She didn't want to upset him any further and wait for him to keep opening up.

The season changed and then Christmas arrived. And 22 was not there. Sent on a mission after all these long months of plenitude.

Alexander Pierce had contacted him on his cell phone. Mathilda was present when he took the call. Barely a kiss and he was gone.

A week had passed and he had given no sign of life. She had unwrapped the presents at the foot of the tree with Blake. However, the happiness was not there, even her daughter did not enjoy tearing up the pretty little packages of all colors. She had called for her father several times since. He had only been away for two or three days at most for months and this separation was painful. Her fears of losing him came back at full speed.

New Year's Eve has arrived. Mathilda's apartment had been stormed by Sean and some friends of his. Mathilda had fun, forgetting for a moment that maybe she wouldn't see 22. The stroke of midnight rang and the hugs merged. It was several hours later, once everyone was gone except Sean that the fateful blow fell.

The apartment was quiet, Blake was sleeping soundly and she listened to Sean making jokes while they washed the dishes. His thoughts were with his Soldier. He was sorely missed. She started to cry, the same ones cry in pain when he left her on that damned Chelyabinsk sidewalk.

This time, a shoulder was there to console her.

\- He's not really a computer scientist, is he ? Sean said hugging her.

\- I can't tell you anything, she replied, broken by sobs.

The young man remained silent, giving his friend just the comfort she needed. He knew something was strange with "Karl". The man was indecipherable, his left hand still wrapped in a glove. He was extremely protective of Mathilda, even possessive. And his behavior with Blake spoke for him. It was undeniable to Sean that Karl was his real father. There was a big secret to keep and dangerous enough for Mathilda to invent a story. He would not seek to know the truth, certain secret had to remain… secret !

The month of January passed. Mathilda received a promotion for her work at Starbucks. Little consolation. Every other day she went to the old abandoned factory, the Delta as she called it, to continue training. She was venting her anger at the targets as well as her frustration in the punching bag to bleed points. Sometimes she had the sensation of hearing 22 encourage him to go even further in his training.

On Blake's 1 year anniversary, his absence was unbearable. Although Sean, Stephanie, her nanny, colleagues and pediatric medicine classmates were present, Mathilda believed she was going to lose her fight with tears. Her daughter was asking for her daddy, that's all she wanted. And she couldn't offer it to him. She vowed for Blake when it was time to blow out the candle, that he would come back. The few children who were present played with her, not comforting her. Mathilda was totally helpless in the face of her daughter's grief and also in the face of her own sadness.

April and May passed without still any news of 22. Emotionally exhausted, Mathilda began to take anxiolytics. His lessons had reached a new level of difficulty and Sean was trying to help him as best he could. Her part-time job no longer sufficient to pay the bills, she had to take overtime to the detriment of her training. She was waiting until her daughter was in bed before doing some push-ups and sit-ups.

June arrived faster than she thought, Blake was now running around. The four-legged stage never existed. Sean had loaned Stephanie a camera so she could take as many little things as possible that Mathilda might miss. Thanks to this, his first steps had been immortalized.

Then July and August paraded at the speed of light. Psychologically exhausted, exhausted from work and her hectic pace, Mathilda had increased her use of anxiolytics and tranquilizers. Blake called out for her father every day and one night she ended up telling her daughter he was never coming back. Screams and cries echoed through the apartment, ignoring her 18-month-old daughter in her distress. Mathilda mistakenly picked up the wrong bottle and swallowed too much of the tranquilizer. When his head faltered, it was too late! She fell inert on the ground.

Sean returning from a night out with friends heard Blake screaming through the door. He called several times, even tried to get in by forcing the lock but nothing helped. He called the fire department.

The men came quickly and smashed the door to the ram. Sean was horrified to see Mathilda pale and in respiratory failure. He hugged Blake to calm her down. When they intubated him, Sean vowed to say two words to Karl. At least if he ever came back.

Mathilda was in a semi-coma. Sean had asked to keep Blake until Mathilda stabilized and regained her strength. Social services were indulgent, concluding in error and overwork. Nonetheless, they warned that they would remain vigilant about the mother's condition.

One evening, Sean was walking home quietly with Blake after a visit to the hospital. The little one stammered words to her teddy bear stuck in the back of the stroller. He absolutely did not expect to find "Karl" sitting on Mathilda's doormat.

Seeing her father, little Blake cried out "Papa" with the intense joy on his young features. Without hesitation, Karl got up to tear his daughter from the stroller and hug her tight.

\- We need to talk, were the first words that came out of Sean's mouth.

The Winter Soldier was so happy to be reunited with his daughter after all these long months of separation that he wanted to hear nothing other than his daughter's incomprehensible little words. He wanted to take the time to look at how much she had grown, how her hair had grown, her pretty smile that was full of teeth now…

However, when Sean walked past him and opened the door, he noticed something was wrong. There was a jumble of blankets on the sofa, clothes were thrown all over the room, the sink was cluttered with dishes ...

\- Mathilda is in the hospital, Sean blurted out.

The Soldier froze, as if taking a punch in the stomach.

\- It's your fault, added by Sean was the coup de grace.

Seeing Karl rock on his legs, Sean quickly grabs Blake in his arms. He watched helplessly as the mass of muscles fell to one knee to the ground.

\- Listen you go away for months, without giving any news. Mathilda was in pain, she suffered from your absence. She started on treatment for depression. Four days ago, she took the wrong dosage. She overdosed. I've been babysitting Blake ever since.

The Winter Soldier tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. She was as big as her point and she didn't pass. Guilt gnawed at him with insatiable hunger.

Blake got down from Sean's arms to go to his father's. The little girl galloped towards him, her features worried. This little face was only 18 months old but could express anguish and distress.

_And it's my fault, 22 nerves thought. The feeling that he was going to implode with pain from within, I have been away from them too long and my daughter is walking._

This last observation was enough to make tears roll down her cheeks.

When the small arms closed around his neck, the Winter Soldier shed his cap and gloves. He needed to touch her. The need to know that Blake was okay and that he hadn't done more damage.

Sean immediately notices the shiny metal hand. This hand he kept hiding systematically with each impromptu visit from him. When 22 rocked back to give Blake a tight hug, he saw the weapon. It was big caliber. A weapon like he had never seen before. He didn't know what dangerous games his friend was playing. Sean was sure, however, that it was long before Mathilda came to live in the building.

\- I don't know who you are, Sean got on his nerves, or even what your metal hand ? But Mathilda needs you, so go see her. I keep Blake !

The Winter Soldier glared at the young man. He straightened up, towering over it with a head. Sean stepped back suddenly feeling vulnerable. He didn't know anything about this Karl after all. Besides, he doubted that was really his name and he really looked like he was dangerous at the moment.

\- I'm glad she has you as a friend, said 22 solemnly, thanks for keeping Blake. Where is she ?

_The least we can say is that he doesn't bother with explanations, Sean thought._

\- At Bellevue Central Hospital.

The Winter Soldier hugs Blake. He took her tiny head in his steel hand to kiss it. Forehead to forehead, he rocked her.

\- I'm going to go see mom in the hospital, he explained to his daughter, I want you to be good with Sean. I'll be there when you wake up, okay?

Blake shook his head sharply, too worried that her daddy was proud of her. 22 placed a series of kisses on her blonde hair before handing it to Sean.

And he left the apartment.

Sean collapsed onto the couch with Blake.

\- Lord, who the hell is your father ? he spat his legs into the cotton.

He had never felt so threatened as he had tonight. Something had changed in his gaze, in his gestures which had been an alarm for Sean. He had had the eyes of a predator. One thing was certain, never to mention his metal hand again. Sean made a mental note for this.

***

The Winter Soldier arrived at Bellevue Hospital in record time. His head camouflaged under his cap, he walked along the corridors without being noticed by the nurses from the various departments. It was almost 10 p.m. and the halls were abandoned in morbid silence. The lights were dimmed and the night nurses began their rounds. He took advantage of a caregiver leaving her post to search for his beloved on the admissions register. He went back four days to find his name assigned to room 208.

He left the counter just in time before the orderly returned from the coffee machine. Without a sound he went to the intensive care unit. She was still in the intensive care unit, which was not encouraging.

Accessing the bedroom required more patience. Mathilda was only a few yards away. Except two interns were chatting outside his door.

Ten long minutes when the urge to throw the trash can on his right had taken hold of him more than once. He was even willing to make the mistake of killing them and quickly wiping out their bodies just so he could walk through that door.

When he was finally in the bedroom, he stopped along with his heart. Mathilda was intubated, pale, her eyes circled in black. She had visibly lost weight. He walked over, feeling the tears prick his eyes. Both of her arms were infused. He could hear the ventilator working at a steady pace.

The EKG was oscillating in measurements of blue and green that made him sick. Softly, he grabbed one of those hands and spoke softly :

\- « I missed you », he said kissing her forehead.

\- I know, I was gone for a long time. Are you mad at me ?

The only response he got was the ventilator ventilating Mathilda's lungs. He looked once more at all the devices that kept her alive, before starting to sob, burying his head in the young woman's neck.

\- I beg your pardon, he said, his voice broken.

The Winter Soldier feared no combat, no mission made him retreat. He could unscrupulously murder any individual. He could take the torture and wait for the next round. He could stay locked in a 6m3 room for years without affecting his mind. He could spend the ages in a cryogenized sarcophagus without feeling the time lag. But her heart, which had opened to a complete stranger one June evening, had been her downfall.

Mathilda, was her ideal, the only person in this world who made her feel like a human. She gave him so much affection and tenderness that he became addicted to her. She was his weakness. In contact with it, he relearned to live as a person and not as a machine. When she looked at him, he saw nothing but love in her eyes. Those pretty emerald eyes. She gave him so much. What was he giving her in return ? Of suffering and disappointment. It was this reality that broke her heart.

He was crying hot tears when he felt a hand in his hair. He instantly straightened up to see those pretty green eyes he loved so much.

She tried to speak. The tube stopped him.

\- Don’t speak, he said to her, you are intubated. Hold on !

And with that word, he grabbed the doorbell and disappeared into the false ceiling. Mathilda watched as the plate folded down slowly when two doctors entered her room.

\- Miss Krichkaya, I'm Doctor Morrison, we're going to take a look at this. It's perfect you breathe on your own. That's good news, said the intern, we're going to take the tube away from you. When I tell you, you'll blow out like you're blowing out a candle. Three, two, one ... Blow.

Once the tube was removed, Mathilda took a deep breath and coughed. The nurses rushed around to change the IVs and take the new measurements. Dr. Morrison was controlling his heart rate and breathing.

In its ceiling, the Winter Soldier hung on the solid joists without making the slightest movement or noise. He watched as the medics scramble to take care of Mathilda.

\- Do you remember what happened to you ? the intern asked.

The young woman seemed a little lost. She didn't remember much. The feeling of losing your balance, of a heat wave ...

\- I took the wrong medication, she realized

The intern began to take notes of the various monitors around them. He looked at Mathilda for a long time in silence.

\- Did you take the wrong medication !? he repeated. The dose you took was much more than your prescription. How are you feeling lately ?

Mathilda felt as though she was being questioned. She wasn't even sure she hadn't imagined 22 at her bedside anymore. She was in a total blur and it took a moment for her to come to her senses.

\- I feel tired, she explained. My studies cost me dearly and with my work I couldn't make enough money. I took extra hours to be able to pay the bills and I ...

The intern put a hand on his shoulder.

\- The emergency services brought you to our emergency room more than four days ago. You had heart and breathing difficulties. Your heart stopped for several minutes.

At this news, the young woman decomposed. It was far more serious than she had thought. Dr. Morrison was telling her she almost died.

\- My daughter ..., she inquired immediately.

\- She's currently with a friend of yours, Mr. Sean Sullivan, replied a nurse taking her blood pressure.

The young woman was relieved, she knew that Blake was in good hands.

\- Miss, interjected once again the intern, you came here several months ago to see one of my colleagues. He diagnosed you with depression and prescribed anti-anxiety medications. You later saw another colleague of mine who prescribed you tranquilizers. The two drugs are not compatible at this dose. You were a nurse in a pediatric ward at Chelyabinsk hospital. So I really have to ask you the question. Have you tried to end your life ?

Mathilda jumped at the question. Was he serious ?

\- No, she said offended, of course not. I have a little girl who I adore more than anything. I resumed my pediatric studies here in the United States to give her a better life. I work 35 hours a week to be able to subsidize them. I don't suffer from baby blues doctor. I'm just tired. And lately, I lost a friend, a very dear friend, and his passing was shocking to me. But I would never, ever attempt my life on purpose.

Dr. Morrison continued to take notes, taking great care to gauge his patient. The fact that she looked at him askance was a sign that she was okay. Suicidal people look absent or shy. The young woman was on the verge of skinning him alive. It made him smile.

However, the person who was hiding in the ceiling was far from smiling. The Soldier was overcome with grief. Mathilda's heart had stopped. And the doctor was saying things that made her throat make her throat choking. The young woman's words hardly reassured him. His absence was the cause of it all. Sean was right, he was responsible.

\- Well, said the intern to conclude his diagnosis, you are being kept under observation for now. We will let you rest. Tomorrow morning, my colleague will come to see you. Have a rest, Miss Krichkaya.

To be alone was what she wanted. She hoped she hadn't dreamed of 22 being around her bedside. That’s what woke him up. Her presence, her warmth, the wetness of her tears on her neck. Above all, she wanted it to be true.

\- Tell me, asked a nurse before leaving the room, Sean Sullivan, is that Sean Sullivan doing the Gucci commercial ?

Mathilda smiles at the nurse.

\- Yes, she's their muse.

The nurse gave him her best smile.

\- He is a handsome man, you are lucky to have him for friends. Maybe a boyfriend ?

_If she knew ? she thought_

And she nodded "no" with her head.

\- My heart belongs to someone else, she replied, and I love her more than anything. And he's a lot more handsome and charismatic than Sean.

The nurse stared for a moment imagining a man more charming than the Gucci icon. She finally gave an awe of admiration at the thought, then turned off the light before closing the door.

It wasn't long, before the false ceiling plate moved and a man silently jumped out of its opening.

Without delay, 22 went to give Mathilda a hug.

\- Are you really there ? she asked again in the fog

The Soldier pulled away from the embrace to kiss her. Sometimes an action deserved more than 1000 words.

\- You are really here ! Mathilda exclaimed, letting her grief and grief of the past nine months explode into uncontrollable sobs.

The Winter Soldier held her close, waiting for her to release all her pain. He had hurt her a lot. It was going to take time to repair the wounds. He kept telling her he was sorry, begging her forgiveness. He knew that after venting his frustration and sorrow in tears would then come anger.

When they finally broke up and the slap fell, he knew the reproaches would surge like a deadly wave.

Mathilda had so much to say to her that the words jostled in her head. She blamed him for his absence of course, but also for his lack of news. His irresponsibility towards Blake, how his daughter had claimed him day after day, his daily distress ...

The Soldier didn't lower his eyes, taking the name-calling and shouting without flinching. Nevertheless, in his skull reigned a great storm. Her cheek was still tingling from meeting Mathilda's hand. His protocol dictated that he grab her by the throat and break her neck. His cortex was doing everything possible to eradicate the source of conflict quickly and cleanly. However, his heart wanted to kiss the young woman, heal her, cradle her against him and promise her that he would never abandon her again. He wanted her forgiveness. A real war entangled his mind in an endless escalation. He was fighting his own reflexes not to act. He was inflicting real mental torture on himself between his killer mechanism and that of a lover, a father.

He clenched his fists continuing his silent struggle that deep inside was an indistinct hubbub.

When Mathilda was too tired to let out her rage, she let silence take possession of the room.

\- I think it would be best if you forget about us. That you go and never come back.

It is always said that certain words or phrases have the effect of a bomb. Until this day, the Winter Soldier never cared. The torment he was experiencing was swept away in an instant. What Mathilda had just announced had shaken him so deeply that his inner conflict had ceased.

The fear ! Steadfast and indomitable took him to court for the very first time in his life. Overwhelmed by this brand new sensation, he realized that he was going to lose the one thing that kept him humanly alive.

The cry that left his throat was halfway between agony and terror. He shook his head sharply as if that could make a difference. He grabbed Mathilda's hands in his, trying to meet her now elusive gaze. He kept repeating "no" like a mantra, unable to find the words.

The Soldier was still extremely pale, but the droplets of sweat on his forehead were new. His mouth was shaking and his body was covered with relentless cold. Mathilda had the feeling that the ice was invading the room. Then, 22 sank down against her, burying his face in his chest. He sobbed like a child whose most precious toy had just been broken.

It was enough of Mathilda's simple decision for 22 to realize that her Winter Soldier's defense and attack mechanism would no longer be effective against her. He had managed to get past his brainwashing. Alone, without conditioning or recalibration. However, it did not seem without a price to pay. The young woman wanted him out of his life.

\- I'm not doing it on purpose, he said at last the muffled words against Mathilda's soft comfort, I have no choice… I have to obey orders.

Mathilda closed her eyes, cursing herself for letting her anger explode when her dearest wish was for him to come back into their lives. The decision to end this once and for all was reasonable under the circumstances. However, could she make this choice on behalf of Blake as well ?!

He was not responsible, it was a hard truth to accept. He really had no choice, he was forced to obey, to follow orders without flinching ... he was made for it. Create for it! Mathilda, had embraced the situation like a lioness thirsty for thrills. She had brought him for many months in a master's hand. Having been 22 in her daily life had been magical, removing all pressure from real danger. With his departure, everything had taken on meaning. The sense of the shipwreck she had buried herself in alone. If there was to be someone responsible for all this carnage ... she was the only one to blame.

She stroked his hair for a long time, cradling it to her chest. Giving him the comfort he seemed to need.

\- Shall we give ourselves a chance ? she said, kissing his head.

He raised his face to hers, a rush of hope freeing the barbed wire that had circled his chest. He shook his head sharply in acceptance, a smile flashing on his features. A smile like Mathilda had never seen before. The Soldier embraced him fiercely, carried away by his new joy, by the deliverance of his emotional shackles. Mathilda was surprised by her icy lips on hers which were hot. This contact was like a shock. Ice and fire united ! A perfect symbiosis.

\- Mathilda and 22 reunited, together and forever, the young woman rambled, carried away by the tide of exhaustion of the past few days.

Gently, the Soldier tucked her comfortably in his bed, kissing every accessible patch of skin. Cuddling with love and tenderness the woman who had become so fragile after all these long months of separation.

\- I'm going to go home, he said, stroking her feverish cheeks, I promised Blake that I would be there when he woke up. I will come back, I promise.

The young woman smiles at the word "home". Then she sank into a well-deserved sleep. The Soldier stared at her for a moment, thinking it took a hair's breadth to lose her.

The words of the intern kept coming back to his mind, his health deteriorating. Her heart that had stopped beating for a few moments ... those few moments, when Mathilda was no longer !

_Damn drugs, thought 22, remembering all the injections he had been given to see how quickly his metabolism was flushing them out._

Mathilda didn’t have this luxury in her body, the slightest mistake is that it could have disastrous consequences.

What would have happened if she hadn't survived her overdose ?

The Winter Soldier didn’t think about it, dismissing the idea of seeing a future as bleak as this. Something told him that he couldn't survive without Mathilda. He couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

And Blake, would be the last thing that could hold him back in this same world.

It didn't take long for him to find his daughter. Without making a sound, he entered the apartment. Sean was sleeping on the couch, his mouth wide open, the drool running onto the pillow. An unpleasant sight.

In front of Blake's bedroom door, Oscar stood guard.

\- Good cat, murmured the Soldier, placing a caress on the feline.

Slowly, he walked over to the cradle to wait impatiently for his daughter to wake up. She was sleeping peacefully, hugging a pink elephant to her body.

\- Your elephant is not normal you know, he whispered, it is pink. An elephant is gray.

He stroked her little blond curls, a smile on his lips. He couldn't take his eyes off her little face anymore. Her cheeks were plump like balls, chubby and pearly. She had grown so much.

Seeing her walk was normal considering she was 18 months old, but for all the reason it shocked her. Making him think he had missed moments in his life that he could never recover. His first steps, his first falls… and even his games.

He began to think about how he was going to reconcile his life as a Hydra Soldier with that of a father. Mathilda's reproaches replayed in her head. Watching his daughter, he found the answer.

He was smart. He wasn't sure where it was coming from because Hydra hadn't programmed him for it. However, he was going to use it wisely.

***

The days have passed. Mathilda had come home from the hospital healthier than ever. To her surprise, 22 had stayed with her, only leaving her for a brief moment. She must have explained to Sean. In the end, the young model did not want to know anything.

 _The less I was, the better off I would be,_ he had told her.

For his part, the Soldier kept away from Sean, fearing that his killer instinct would take over. It was a huge relief for him when he learned that the young man was due to leave for several months for Italy. He already knew too much. It was only a matter of time before he found himself with a gaping hole the size of Alabama in his chest. Although he tried to contain the Winter Soldier, these gestures were still on the edge. Even Mathilda was having trouble removing a knife or any other contagious object from her hands when Sean had his back to her. She had to systematically scold him for it and those without the young model noticing.

Two weeks after returning from intensive care, she was opening her mail while 22 played with Blake on the activity mat. These little moments had driven his cravings for tranquilizers and anxiolytics. The question of knowing for how long was more present when his eyes fell on a mail from the bank. She knew that with her stay in the hospital, the more her absence from work the expenses would be hard to repay. She swallowed the large ball of rising anguish as she opened it. Her emerald irises widened in shock !

More than $ 30,000 had been deposited into his account.

Immediately she raised a look of both compassion and anger at the Soldier. He answered her with an innocent smile.

No words needed to be said. Mathilda knew he must have fudged the accounts, replenished his overdraft and boosted his income.

She no longer had to worry about working overtime at Starbucks to pay for her education, 22 had definitely solved that.

She wasn't going to ask a question, in a way that was the way to forgive herself.

Silently, she drew the word "thank you" on her lips. He replied with a simple smile before returning his attention to his daughter.

In the evening, after having put Blake to bed, they watched the videos that Sean and Stephanie had taken of their daughter. He played them over and over, always having fun at the little faces that made them go crazy. He admired her first steps with pride and tenderness, laughing as he watched her spray the poor young man with compote… Mathilda cherished her moments. The Soldier wasn’t that hardened. There was another man hiding behind this conditioning, a man who enjoyed watching these videos, hugging his daughter and playing with her. And this other man must have been a good one ! The young woman was certain that one day he would resurface and that Hydra would no longer have any influence on him. At least she prayed every night for it.

After the young woman gained weight and her strength, 22 continued to train her. This time, Blake was there. At 19 months old, he left her a small colt in her hands and helped her shoot. Mathilda was still frozen with each detonation. Praying that nothing untoward happens.

 _Isn't it too early to teach him how to shoot ?_ she had asked him.

The Soldier replied that the sooner she learned, the better. Unfortunately, this did not help the young woman's stress. She was not yet ready to treat her daughter's injuries during the training. The Soldier had explained to him how his training was going to unfold and the phases of his apprenticeship. He had explained to her that it would be extremely painful and difficult and that sometimes he would have no other choice but to hurt her. Particularly during melee sparings.

She stared in anguish, her legs circling the small mass holding a colt with both hands towards a target. With each hit, Blake was falling against her father's chest and she was laughing out loud. He kept reciting the correct movements to her, the correct postures of the weapon even if she did not understand. He knew it would go into his head like a conditioning, a mechanism.

When Blake had had enough, 22 didn't oblige and put her to safety in his playpen. He would play with her for a while each time, before focusing on Mathilda. The young woman learned very quickly. She was beginning to take real pleasure in knowing how to defend herself and fight.

Months went by. 22 stayed for several days and then left for a week or two. He had found a way to keep in touch with Mathilda. A code via the telephone ringtone. A blow then followed a few moments later by a series of two and three rings. So the young woman knew he was fine.

The Soldier fiercely continued their training. In Blake's case, he had to be patient and careful. As snow covered the streets of New York City with a thick white blanket, he was teaching the little girl to use her surroundings to her advantage. It was more of a game of hide and seek than anything else but Blake was having fun. And this type of day was always rewarded with delicious hot chocolate.

Sometimes the practice was forgotten for a little outing to a toy store where the Christmas decorations were shining brightly. The chants were accompanied by tantalizing scents and arms full of gifts. The Soldier remained reclusive in the apartment each time, unable to accompany his family during these times. However, Blake's face, happy to show him the shopping, quickly brushed aside his regrets.

On Christmas Day, Mathilda was moved. His Soldier was kneeling in front of the tree they had decorated together unwrapping the presents. Blake was laughing out loud, ripping off the wrapping paper at lightning speed. She found a purple plush bunny with big, shiny eyes. Immediately she adopted him. She quickly went into Mathilda's arms, who smiled at first before realizing that said rabbit had a plastic knife hanging from her hand. She gave Mathilda a disapproving look. As Blake played with her bunny, the Soldier held a small green velvet box to Mathilda. The case was the size of a necklace or bracelet. She had to control her shaking hands not expecting such a present. As it opened, her eyes rested on a discreet silver necklace adorned with an angel pendant.

\- So you don't forget who you are, he said, putting it on her.

The young woman was moved. This necklace had a real meaning both for the Soldier and for her. Mathilda must have radically changed her way of life for him. A 90° turn which had already cost him to lose part of his innocence. With this small gesture, he wanted her not to be forgotten on the way. May she keep this will to do good, while he did evil.

When the tears rolled down his cheeks, he brushed them away with the back of his hand. She felt a little taken aback. She gauged the gift she had given him knowing that he might not be able to take her to his secret base. It looked ridiculous to him in comparison.

\- I look fine to me with your new jacket, she said, folding the jacket

The soldier smiled broadly. He really appreciated his gift. It was simple, dark khaki, very useful for camouflage, the inside was lined with warm brown fleece with a hood. It was a nice gift, but nothing compared to what she had already given him.

\- My greatest gift is being here with you two, he whispered, taking her face in his hands. Until two weeks ago I didn't even know what Christmas was, or what it meant, now I know and I think I love it.

Mathilda kissed the inside of her palms, before slipping into her arms. It had been painful for him to notice that 22 did not understand the holidays. It had been taken away from him. Any moment of fun had been eradicated, which made him an effective weapon. He was, until one day he happened to run into her on a street in Chelyabinsk. He had changed enormously since then. She had taken the time to teach him the meaning of Christmas or Easter, what it meant to family members. In the end, there was a real exchange between them two. She was teaching him to be a normal man, he was teaching her to be a fighter.

The New Year did not need to be prayed for, and 22 once again enjoyed sharing it with Mathilda and Blake.

The celebrations passed, the training started again. However, with pediatric exams approaching, the young woman often sat on the sidelines to let Blake play around with the new guns.

The girl had grown used to holding her gun positions. She still needed her father's grip to hold her without trembling. Still, she technically shouldn't have managed to keep it in her tiny hands. From the small caliber, 22 had switched to automatic. The weight was substantial. Still, Blake held him unhurriedly. He hadn't told Mathilda about it yet, but it was an alarm in his head that told him that his daughter had more than normal strength. In short, something he would not have liked her to have.

This little secret unfortunately didn’t last long. Blake was celebrating his 2 years. On occasion, friends of Mathilda, also parents of a small child, were invited. The apartment was literally crawling with adults leaning against walls and tables as children running around. It was a success. The Soldier was just vigilant of the parents taking pictures of their cherubs. He was happy to finally share this moment with his daughter. However, the tumult surrounding him was a bit too much for him. He felt awkward at all the women who approached him. The innuendoes weren't always understood and when he asked Mathilda for explanations, he felt uncomfortable blushing. As for the men, as soon as they started a conversation, he tried to run away to avoid making an unfortunate gesture. The most painful was despite everything with the children who asked him the most embarrassing questions : _Why are you putting on a glove, are your hands cold ? Are you scary, you look mean, have you ever hurt someone ?_

Children had the art of reading him like an open book. He really didn't like that feeling. After the cake and Blake had blown out his candles, he took refuge in Mathilda's room. He would have liked to see his daughter unwrap her presents but he had reached the end of his control. To be away from everyone was a necessity and a security… for them. He knew Mathilda had filmed the event and that he could watch her daughter's reactions later. It tore him in spite of all guts not to be able to participate more. The young woman saw him disappear down the hall and understood. With one look, it had all been said.

She had excused her boyfriend's behavior to the guests by saying he was not feeling well. Technically, that wasn't a lie, 22 was in the throes of mental torture between his instincts as a Winter Soldier and Karl's character. He could take it on for a short while. With so many people, it quickly became unmanageable.

He had sat on the bed, facing the door, concentrating only on his breathing. Then, Oscar's purrs, who had also been hiding from everyone else, helped him focus.

\- So you’re hiding too ? he said to the fur ball coiled on the cousin of an armchair.

The feline no longer complained, stretched his muscles and turned his back on him offended. This cat had the gift of quickly calming the Soldier in his moments of stress.

Almost an hour passed when he could hear only his own heartbeat. He was calm, serene. Until a dreadful cry rang in his ears, followed by alarming others.

Instinctively, he leaped out of the bedroom to find a cluster of parents huddled together in front of the sofa. He immediately saw a 4 or 5 year old boy lying down with his arm flipped. The child bawled in pain as the parents sought to reassure their toddler. Mathilda was kneeling beside the little boy, phone in hand. No doubt she was calling for help. She was already busy giving first aid while calming the parents and the child. There was something shocking about seeing her in action, 22 she was efficient and quick. His expression was entirely focused on the right gestures. She had passed the first part of these exams with a very good mention. He was sure she would make an excellent doctor.

It took a few moments for him to notice Blake, his face white, his features drawn in horror. The Soldier went over to his daughter and grabbed her in his arms. She was shaking!

One of the parents took a threatening step towards them, his eyes rolling back in anger and indignation.

\- Your daughter is not normal, he spat a few inches from the face of 22, it is an abomination of nature.

Before the man could figure it out, he found himself lifted off the ground and thrown against the wall. The Winter Soldier had gained the upper hand, the threat was violent enough to awaken his basic instincts. Her daughter was hugged tightly and no one could have approached her with the intention of harming her.

When he grabbed the knife that had been used to cut the cake, the vision of his target was obscured by Mathilda's face.

\- Stop, she hastened, putting a hand on the arm that held the knife. Please help me, I need help with Brian.

Slowly, he regained control of himself letting Mathilda deprive him of his knife. Without the young woman's intervention, the overly alcoholic parent would have ended up staining the wall with his blood.

The Soldier watched the latter's wife come and help him to his feet while lecturing him that he did not know how to stand and made him feel ashamed. She apologized to 22 for her husband's behavior.

However, he felt the heavy, questioning looks of the other guests who were really starting to wonder what was really going on. He followed Mathilda to the injured man, who was crying hotly, his face very pale.

The Soldier set Blake down right next to him, creating a barrier between them and the upset parents. If unfortunately this incident were to happen again, he was not sure it would end in a bloodbath. He had to contain himself, appeal to Mathilda's reassuring presence so as not to make a mistake. He kept inhaling and exhaling quietly to channel himself. All people, including children, were turned into potential victims. His mechanism had already worked out how quickly he could eliminate them all, without making too much noise and getting rid of bodies without leaving a trace.

\- I'm going to have to put his arm back in place, Mathilda explained, referring to Brian, you have to hold him down.

The reassuring and soothing voice of the young woman made him forget in a few minutes the crowd of parents and their unnecessary hubbub. He focused on her directions, on the sound of her voice, and eventually felt at ease. The feeling of going back a few years. He could even smell the scent of that dingy old apartment in Chelyabinsk, the bright light in the bathroom, and the softness of Mathilda pulling that bullet away from him.

It wasn't difficult when with her guidance he moved to sit behind Brian, using his large torso for support. He passed one of the legs over the boy's elongated one and his two arms wrapped around his small chest. He continued to listen to that reassuring voice he loved so much. Then in a fluid gesture, after warning him to hold Brian tight, she returned her arm to an appropriate angle. The young boy let out a scream before swallowing hard in a deep breath only to cry bitter tears once more. The Soldier felt something about this tiny moment. He couldn't identify her, nonetheless he felt the need to make a tender gesture at Brian. He released him from his shackles and stroked his brown head. He tried to understand what it was without finding an answer. The boy was in pain, enough to make him sick. Before it's even time to warn, he gave back his snack on 22 and Mathilda's t-shirt. She didn't dwell on it, as she had already started to put a makeshift splint on the broken arm. Brian's parents rushed on their son once they got the green light from Mathilda. Help on their way a few moments later.

With the departure of the paramedics, the parents left one behind the other regretting that the party ended like this. She knew the phone would ring soon. The people present would like to understand what had happened. The questions would eventually become embarrassing. She greeted the last parents before closing the door and falling into it. Her daughter was playing wisely with the small dinette she had received as a present. Her purple bunny who had found Kiddy's name absurd was hugged firmly against her. She looked fragile and sad. Her birthday had turned into a nightmare. The sight of Blake assaulting Brian had sounded the death knell for fleeting hope. She got up to join 22 who, when help arrived, had taken refuge in the bathroom. For him, too, the day was not rosy.

He was shirtless, in front of the sink washing his soiled t-shirt. Her reflection in the mirror betrayed the same desperation as Blake.

\- You know, we have a washing machine for that, she said, grabbing the ball of cloth soaked in water and soap before slipping it into the window of the machine.

She did the same with her own blouse and pants. The Soldier gazed at her as she turned the machine on. Her red lingerie was delicate and silky, enhancing the blond in her hair. As always, she was magnificent. The context was enough for him to embrace her. Inside his mind and body, the desire began to burn, the urge to consume the room's oxygen with their antics. However, the questions rushing through her head temporarily silenced her appetite.

\- What happened ? ends up asking 22

\- You tell me ? added Mathilda with a sad smile.

They looked at each other for a long time, both knowing that Blake had used his physical strength to bring down his infantile anger on one of his comrades. But why ?

\- I think the best thing is to look at what happened together, Mathilda said at last. I was filming the twins when this happened. It happened so quickly that I didn't have time to figure it out until I heard Brian's bones break.

He nodded in acceptance even though he had some idea what they were about to find out. It was inevitable and he should have told the young woman about it as soon as he saw their daughter's physical ability. He was about to reveal it to her when her gaze caught hers intensely. He felt her fingers gently brush his lower back and the kiss she gave him was like a call to his low instincts.

They kissed passionately, seeking contact with each other as if to forget that horrid end of the day. The gestures were sloppy and crude, far was the tenderness that 22 constantly showed him. He had a whole new need that had to make itself known. He lifted her off the floor to put her back on the washing machine and with a gesture ripped off Mathilda's underwear, never leaving his lips. His hands searched at his belt to quickly unbuckle the shackles that were compressing the sacred organ. He used his metal hand to guide himself to her privacy. Once inside the one that meant everything to him, he let go. He felt the need to release his frustration and anger with each thrust. It was strong, powerful, forgetting all about their worry and the little blond head that, alarmed by the strange noises in the bathroom, had climbed up to them.

\- Dad ?! she called. Why are you shouting ?

Stop in his tracks, he experienced absolute embarrassment for the first time. Red as a peony he didn't know what to do and didn't even dare to move. As much as he loved sex with Mathilda, those moments always made him feel a little uneasy, fearing that he would do something wrong. To be caught in the middle of a passionate frenzy was enough to collapse the shields so dearly put in place. And his daughter’s question, even in incomprehensible language, was clear, he was far from silent.

Mathilda laughed loudly and frankly, amused by the situation. The vibrations emanating from his body were instantaneous for 22 who felt his lower abdomen respond. The young woman freed herself from his embrace while taking care to hide the anatomically impressive part of her father from her daughter's eyes. She didn't want to torture him any more though she wanted to see if he could blush more. She put on the robe that hung behind the door and knelt beside her daughter.

\- Nothing sweetie, she said, dad was fixing the washing machine. See, now it's working fine.

Satisfied with the explanation, Blake walked back to her little nook while dragging her Kiddy behind her. When Mathilda faced again around 22, the Soldier had adjusted his jeans. His expression was most hilarious which made the young woman laugh once more. It was greatly appreciated after the day she had spent. Even though she realized she would make a good pediatrician, it was still painful for Brian. When she returned from Italy, she had a lot of story to tell Sean.

\- Come on 22, she said, leading him towards the living room, you are not the first to be surprised by her child and you will not be the last. You are vocal and after ... surely a side effect of the super-serum.

The Soldier sighed, his frustration touching the height of the bearable. Mathilda had struck a chord, her super serum was indeed the problem. He fathered little soldiers. Although Hydra had already considered the possibility, the members had not. Why ?

Ultimately, it would be profitable for them to create a real army. Himself, as programming in the routing of globalization Hydra would have thought of it. Unless it already was and he didn't know it. He had been brainwashed a lot. His memory had been erased many times. There was indeed a possibility that they had already created this army. His DNA was the key. The constitution of the serum had disappeared at the same time as Zola. He was the only prototype of the scientist. It was impossible to recreate the serum. Everyone who had tried to regain his constitution had failed. Even today, tests were done on him to reconstruct the chemical formula of his genotype.

They had tidied up the apartment and then had dinner in comfortable silence. But 22 was caught in a whirlwind of scary thoughts about his super serum and Blake. When it was time to go to bed, he took the time to read her a story and a hug before she fell asleep. He tenderly placed his Kiddy bunny against her before turning off the light and sitting down next to Mathilda. She had found him even more absent than usual. His features were frozen in worry. She didn't like it.

\- Are you still embarrassed that Blake surprised us ? she asked.

The Soldier only sighed for a long time. Although this was possibly the most embarrassing moment of his life, at least from what he remembered, it wasn't going to keep him from sleeping. But his concern about the super soldier army, sure.

He motioned to Mathilda to start the video. Reluctantly, he asked her to speed up at the moment, he would have plenty of time later to see the good times.

It was in dread that he watched his daughter flip Brian's arm in a swift gesture and lift it to his height before letting it fall. On impact, the fracture was inevitable. All done in a fraction of a second. He had to put the slow motion down to pay attention to his movements.

\- Isn't that what you taught me to do a few weeks ago ? asked Mathilda

\- It's an arm lock, I didn't teach him. She's too young to understand. But she saw me training you and she took it in. She reproduces it perfectly, he replied.

The Soldier was both extremely proud and terrified. It wouldn't take long before he turned his daughter into a deadly weapon. Hydra was becoming even more formidable if they knew about Blake. And that also answered his questions. Hydra hadn't created a super soldier army. If they had, he would have known or even been assigned to their training. The worry was replaced by the bitter taste of betrayal of Hydra. He was their soldier and he was deceiving them by hiding such a weapon. The Winter Soldier might deliver Blake to them, but could 22 he ?

When Mathilda's hand brushed his shoulder, he snapped out of his thoughts. She looked at him sadly.

\- Can you tell me your thoughts ? she asked worried

Without taking his eyes off her, he explained to her that he had had serious doubts about her physical abilities during their training. He confessed to her that he had deliberately kept it from her. Seeing what she was capable of doing and the fact that he was more than certain now that the serum was flowing naturally through his veins, he saw that Blake would make a valuable soldier for Hydra. He explained to her that a part of him wanted her to be by his side during missions. Let her become a Soldier for the Hydra. At the same time, he was afraid that the Hydra agents would harm him or attempt experiments on her. He confided absolutely everything to her without remorse or guilt. He paid no attention that his words hurt Mathilda to the highest degree. She realized that he was lost between his commitments with Hydra and his new life as a father. His desire to live a normal life was marred by his programming to serve and obey. He must have felt torn between Hydra and them.

She took his face in both hands, forcing him to listen. She armed herself with all her conviction and clung to her maternal instinct.

\- 22 you know I love you and I know you would do anything to protect Blake, she started with tears still streaming down her cheeks. You proved it again this afternoon when Richard rushed at you. So you know that delivering Blake to Hydra meant killing her. If you do this, you will have my anger and you will have to fear me for the rest of your life.

The Soldier had his full attention. He was careful to listen to every word the intonation of which was tinged with warmth and love. At the same time, he was detecting an underlying anger that when exploded would do damage. Slowly, he stroked the tears that were sliding down his face. He realized his words touched him. He might betray Hydra, but he was also betraying Mathilda and Blake. In itself, this revelation was worse, just as sharp as a blade.

Mathilda kept the warmth of 22's hand on her for a moment before regaining control of her emotions. What she was about to do might have dramatic consequences. She had to take that risk. It was completely legitimate. A mother's love can move mountains against those who would tear her baby away from her.

\- I'm speaking to the Winter Soldier, she snapped in a firm, icy voice. Blake is your daughter. You have to protect her from Hydra, prevent them from reaching her in any way. You led her to them, she dies ! He finds her, she dies ! You hear Winter Soldier, YOUR DAUGHTER is dying !

Mathilda swallowed back as she noticed that 22's blue eyes had turned black. His expression darkened at the hearing of his name as an assassin, a ghost of Hydra. He stiffened, his titanium arm clenched tightly in a threatening fist. In the instant, she felt all her conviction crumble. One gesture and he could kill her.

_You're an idiot she molested herself silently._

He didn't take his eyes off her, as if waiting for her to move even a hair to break her neck in a second.

Mathilda thought she was going to pay dearly for her audacity. Lose Blake and 22 in one sentence. Braving herself, she put her hand on the titanium fist. She was convinced that her reckless action had led her down an already fragile slope. She doubted that the little he had taught her to protect herself would be enough to stop her.

The truth ? 22 was very far from being about to execute him as she thought. The words Mathilda had used touched him right in the heart. He was angry, rage had boiled in his veins but not against her, against him.

How could he have even thought of leading Blake to their base for a moment ? He knew what Hydra would do to her, tests, conditioning, recalibrations, science experiments ... it didn't matter how fast she was and had super strength. It would serve as a guinea pig.

And without reaching their end, would end up killing her to dissect her organs one by one. He was linked to Hydra, he had to follow orders and protocol, but to sacrifice his daughter... ?

Mathilda was right, he had reacted like a tiger when the man approached Blake and called her a monster. The conflict there between her Hydra programming and her feelings had to end, for Mathilda's expression at that moment was fear.

It was his expression that gripped his guts like the thorns of a rosebush encircling the beating of his heart, waiting for the last moments to stab him right through. She was afraid of him and at the same time, she was ready to do anything for him. Ready to save him from himself and his bad deeds. With a woman like her, Hydra couldn't win. And more importantly, he would lose Mathilda for good this time.

It was like a revelation, he loved her !

It was too much for him, the day was getting long and his mind was clouded with things he could no longer put into place. Understanding his love for Mathilda was overwhelming. He got up and left without saying a word!

Mathilda was stunned by her departure and burst into tears.

***

The Winter Soldier walked for long hours, his feet drenched in mud and sleet. He was caught between his devotion to Hydra and his love for Mathilda. His conflict would never end between the two masks he had to wear for more than two years.

He wouldn't leave Hydra, he couldn't physically. His conditioning was such that he was at the same time a prisoner, victim and actor of his own existence.

And obviously her heart could not be separated from Mathilda's. He had been dealing with both for some time, keeping his parallel life a secret. And it didn't work that bad. For how much longer ?

He was always on the verge of killing someone who wasn’t a target and losing control. The men who circled around Mathilda were often the most difficult. He could play "Karl" as much as he wanted, one day it would end badly.

_I'm the Winter Soldier, he thought as he walked around a dark alley, I'm going to take a wrong turn. Mathilda will not be able to channel me indefinitely. And if Hydra learns of this existence ..._

The Soldier stopped to lean against a dumpster. The young woman covered his blunders over and over when he found himself like Blake's birthday in "society". Although she knew what he was doing on behalf of Hydra, she never remarked on him. She was kindness, meekness, and wisdom. It would have been more than normal for her to comment on his behavior.

\- I kill, I know it's wrong. So why don't you ever tell me Mathilda ? molested 22.

Frustrated by all the events of the day, the dumpster served as his outlet. He punched his fists multiple times.

Out of breath, he rolled his eyes as if to find relief. Instead, he spotted an elderly lady, who alerted by the din below her apartment building was looking out the window. She was staring at him gravely.

\- What's the old one ? he yelled at her. Haven't you ever seen a garbage collector pick up trash ?

Psychologically exhausted, he laughed at his own crass jokes. Her reflection was just as unlikely as Mathilda telling Blake he was fixing the washing machine.

Moments like these would miss him sorely. Hydra would shatter her little world of peace. Loyalty and loyalty to Hydra was a given, but not at the expense of her little Blake. Not at the expense of what looked like stability.

Realizing this was a decisive step in his future.

He resumed his walk, this time towards Mathilda's apartment. He owed the young woman an apology. Her behavior towards him was simply unforgivable but he hoped that once again she would forgive him.

On his way, he still tried to find the words to explain himself, seeking to find solutions to his problems. In particular, to make sure that the young woman never looked at him with that terrified expression again. In a way, he was reassuring that she continued to be suspicious of him. At the same time it hurt him. It was those rare moments in his presence that made him feel like the monster he was. Acting like a mirror, he didn't want to see that in her emerald irises anymore.

When he returned, the apartment was quiet. He could hear Oscar's purrs coming from his favorite pillow. He was absorbed for a brief moment by those damn flashing microwave digits with a strong urge to subject it to the same fate as the dumpster.

He took a deep breath before walking down the hall. He stopped at Blake's room, just to take a quick look, see if everything was okay. At the sight of her little daughter asleep peacefully, her quick glance transformed into a good twenty minutes. He thought about what could have been a terrible mistake if his Hydra mechanism had actually made him surrender his daughter. Mathilda was right, he was signing his death warrant.

He put a soft hand on her little stomach, the need to have contact with her flesh, her blood.

\- Forgive me, he whispered to her.

She still didn't know what her father really was and maybe growing up she would loathe him. Right now, she needed him. Need his teaching. In the back of his mind was a whole new idea germinating that went totally against his protocol. Although it made him shudder, he felt a wave of hope. A fleeting hope of something elusive. Nonetheless it was there, growing like a revenge that has been dormant for decades. A revenge belonging to another man. A man he must have been in the past and whose memory was only a thick, distant fog.

\- One day, Hydra will fear you, he whispered. You will be stronger than them and you will overcome them.

He shuddered at his little spiel which was a direct attack on those peers, a longing to see Hydra disappear. And in a way, to have his activities stopped.

He had already started his training. First all the notions of defenses, the handling of weapons, understanding the terrain and then the most difficult part of the training would come, the attack.

That day would come quickly !

Slowly, he leaned over to kiss the forehead of the tiny thing that had long since sunk in Wonderland. He went to meet Mathilda.

The young woman was asleep on her stomach, her body taking all the diagonal of the bed. She hadn't even bothered to pull the covers over herself or even close the blinds. The bedroom was moonlit, making the sight before him seem unreal.

The Soldier looked at her for a long time, taking pleasure in detailing every little bit of her face. Her expression betrayed his sadness, but the beauty of her features was that he did not linger there. She was still wearing her bathrobe which played the card of unconscious seduction on her body. He barely bared part of her chest, letting the satin run over her hips and abandoning the idea of covering her sensually spread legs.

She was magnificent. He loved that bluish glow casting delicate shadows on his skin. Before he knew it, he was panting.

When Mathilda realized in her sleep that she was not alone in her room, she straightened up with a gesture, pointing a gun at the intruder.

\- But you're crazy, you want me to shoot you, the young woman raged, her heart pounding wildly.

The Soldier smiles. In her defense, Mathilda was resplendent when angry. There was always something vulnerable about these moments that made him want to protect her. A face of innocence that had driven him to change, to become another Winter Soldier.

\- You couldn't have anyway, he replied.

And on that word, he put 9mm bullets on the blanket of the bed

Mathilda removed her magazine and saw it was empty.

\- But how do you do that ? asked the young woman, still surprised at his "gifts".

He smiles all the more. If the conversation always remained on the same tone, then maybe she would be more lenient in forgiving him.

He took a seat next to her, gently taking her hands in his. She didn't push him away, she was calm, waiting, that was a good thing. He could congratulate himself on having found the most patient woman in the world.

\- I owe you an apology, he began, his voice soft but weakened by fatigue. I didn't want to behave badly towards you, I wanted to be honest.

Mathilda stiffened.

\- I'm torn between what I am and what I should be, for you and Blake. I am Hydra, I must obey and serve the best interests of our cause. But I can't embrace Blake, I want her to be the choice. The choice I didn't have! I can train her to become a weapon. But you can give him a moral, an awareness of good and evil that I'm no longer sure I have. You're right, if I take her with me, they'll transform her and she won't be my daughter anymore.

Mathilda heaved a long sigh of relief, tears returning all the more to her cheeks. The Soldier leaned down to kiss the wet, salty furrows in the hope of stopping them.

\- I know I betrayed Hydra. I am aware that I am going against the protocols that have been instructed to me and even my conditioning… I am delighted if that means I can be by your side.

The young woman was totally overwhelmed by his words, he who was so stingy with words didn't seem to want to stop anymore. And he seemed so serene, so peaceful...

\- I promise to protect Blake and try to be a good father as much as I can. I love it.

Mathilda smiles. That was all she needed to be reassured. And that was all she asked for her daughter, to be happy. She let herself fall into his arms. The comfort of her warmth tasted like hot chocolate on Christmas morning, delicate and soothing.

\- One more thing, said 22, stepping back from their embrace to meet his gaze, I never want to see the fear on your face when you provoke me again. I will never hurt you again ! That too is a promise. The Winter Soldier or 22 is me. But if you feel the need to separate them then know that neither of them wants to hurt you. I care too much for you ! You are vital in my life.

This was the breaking point for Mathilda. He was obviously sincere, his gaze filled with a love she had never seen before. She had buried this desire deep inside her. She understood that 22 was a man who had suffered too much torture to open his heart. And he had just done it.

The sobs of joy had a melody the Soldier instantly loved. Mathilda had thrown herself on his neck so hard he almost fell backwards.

\- I love you, she crooned with a dazzling smile.

The Soldier liked to hear it. There was something in that little note that gave him back his self-confidence. It was these words, which, looking at himself in the mirror, appreciated what he saw. A man !

And it was only Mathilda who had that effect on him.

He tried to say the same words to her, however his mouth refused to speak them. Something was preventing him without really knowing the reason. Even the "I" doesn’t succeed in crossing the barriers of its consciousness.

\- Me too, was easier to answer.

Although that was not what he meant, the kiss Mathilda gave him was enough to make him realize he was on the right track. The young woman busied herself between his kisses, stripping him of his clothes. She was like caught in a devouring passion with just those two words "me too". What he didn't know, what his response to his feelings had been totally unexpected. A surprise that deeply moved and moved the young woman.

If she didn't pour her passion into her actions she was sure to implode. The rest of the night was scorching for the couple. The Soldier was sure at one point that he saw stars. He was convinced that the sheets would retain the marks of their fusion. He had bitten everything that had been lying near his mouth so as not to cry out. The horror would have been to reproduce the incident in the bathroom. Her muffled moans had made the moments even more intense and Mathilda hadn't been selfish about giving of herself.

In the morning, 22 was sure of several things : the first, that he was really in love with the young woman who was sleeping on his chest. The second, that he loved his daughter as his only universe. The third he loved life ... life away from Hydra !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and congratulations are always appreciated. Thank you so much.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. I’m French and my English is very limited. If I made mistakes, please, tell me that I am correcting myself. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this fanfiction.


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